I wish I had a spiraliser

General Nonsense

Yes I’m back on the subject of wishing and yes I’m wishing for a spiraliser. What of it? There’s always room for another gadget in the house of profligacy. I read an article about spiralisers in a Sunday Supplement (on Sunday, funnily enough) and at first made that face – the one I usually make […]


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17/05/2015
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Vouchers Shmouchers. 

General Nonsense

Remember this earlier blog post and the whole Tesco Clubcard Voucher kerfuffle? Well I’m relieved to report that the vouchers have FINALLY been spent in the right establishment.  We went to Carlisle today to look at some architecture


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26/11/2016
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A rootle through my drawers

General Nonsense

My sleep pattern is all topsyturvy again. I suspect I’d’ve slept through the night if it hadn’t been for Tucker dramatically and noisily trying to burrow under the duvet with his comedy cone of shame at 2am. So here I am, blogging like an idiot.  I lay there in the dark for ten minutes wondering […]


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12/04/2015
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The clusterfuck of life admin, revisited. 

General Nonsense

It’s been Procrastination City Arizona here this week, hence the “old newsy” feel of this post – I started it yesterday when my cup overflowed-eth with good humour. Today I could drop-kick Bambi into next week and not give a shit. So here, for what it’s worth, which is shit-all really, is yesterday’s shitty news: […]


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24/02/2015
General Nonsense
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It’s not all about Pufflings. 

General Nonsense

Finally! Managed to upload all 3000 pics from my iPhone to iCloud which optimised the space on the iPhone which in turn allowed me to update the software to iOSwhatever and now I can’t remember why I was so desperate to get iOSwhatever in the first place. I probably just had iOS envy. I think […]


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12/07/2015
General Nonsense
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Thursday ups and downs and not in a rude way. 

General Nonsense

Up:  my Nespresso order FINALLY arrived.  Down: opened Nespresso order – realised had Inadvertently ordered 100  decaffeinated capsules. Who drinks that? I stood staring forlornly at it like one of the penguins in that sad penguin film where the egg dies and the mummy and daddy penguin have a big long sad and look all […]


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10/02/2015
General Nonsense
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Started this last night. Makes no sense now because I mention times. 

General Nonsense

I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place today.  I jumped into an unfamiliar car (not illegally – I wasn’t joyriding – I’m fifty odd you know – and you don’t need to get bogged down with the detail. Suffice to say it was a car with which I was not familiar […]


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02/04/2015
General Nonsense
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Fork ‘andles. 

General Nonsense

I’m in trouble.  Does anybody feel like ordering some Partylite candles? I promised to have a virtual Partylite party for somebody so they got discount or a guaranteed place in heaven or something but as usual the road to hell is paved with good intention and it’s now a month later and, true to form, […]


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30/09/2015
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General Nonsense

My friend Lynn posted a status update on Facebook about lateness and how it’s hard wired into some people’s brains. I don’t have the lateness gene; I need to breathe into a brown paper bag/be slapped out of the screaming abdabs if I’m behind (my self-imposed) schedule. Lateness drives me nuts. 


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03/07/2015
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General Nonsense

On a recent road trip round the canals of Glasgow – pre the Mrs Baps’ Glexit – we found ourselves for a complex set of reasons (ie we were starving and didn’t fancy a McDonald’s and there was nowhere else to get food except Frankie and Benny’s and we all know how crap that is) we […]


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29/06/2016
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Fallow period. 

General Nonsense

I’ve dried up. I’m going through a fallow period, blogwise. I wish I could say I’m too busy solving world hunger/doing humanitarian work in war torn countries/knitting hats* for premature baby orang-utans to blog but actually I’ve been mostly just playing online Scrabble, smoking the odd fagatthebackdoor and hunched over the laptop for hours on […]


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03/07/2015
General Nonsense
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Belated Birthday greetings, Ryan!

General Nonsense

i almost forgot!  I was in Nona Lou’s yesterday (eating gluten free toast, having decided after a pastry induced episode of bloat that I was wheat intolerant. Yes, it appears I’ve become one of those annoying people who say “ooooh I can’t tolerate wheat, it bloats me, I’ll just have some waffer thin ham”. I […]


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17/04/2015
General Nonsense
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Lists. Numbered. Kinda. 

General Nonsense

Things I don’t get: “Crumbed” ham. At no point ever in my life have I a) witnessed the following exchange: Customer: “I’d like a ham sandwich please” Waiter: “Certainly sir, coming right up” Customer: “Oh wait – I want the ham with the weird sludgy yellow shit round the outside” Waiter: “Ah sorry sir we’re […]


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17/09/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

It’s been a funny old weekend. My hair has refused to play ball and it really affects my mood. I don’t think the Glasgow water agrees with it. It turns it Worzel Gummidgey. It’s on its last warning. Any more of this nonsense and it’s getting cut like a boy’s. 


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01/06/2015
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Redrum

General Nonsense

I love a Kubrick film. There’s nothing finer. I especially love the Shining. This is one of my favourite scenes, so it is. I’d love to come home after a hard day erm…doing that thing I do that passes for work – to my own personal cocktail waiter with a fully stocked cocktail bar, complete […]


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17/05/2015
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Enigmatic with popcorn. 

General Nonsense Memory lane Mrs Tigerbaps Things that piss me off

Celeb Big Brother is some crazyarse piece of work this time round, if you’re watching it. I’m not really watching it but catch the odd wee five minutes while channel surfing. There’s a particularly odious big blonde gobshite who seems to very much enjoy “being honest wiv ya babe” and wearing sunglasses and coats indoors. […]


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19/01/2016
General Nonsense, Memory lane, Mrs Tigerbaps, Things that piss me off
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Warning: here be a graphic image of my plasticine nose

General Nonsense

Preface – I started writing this at 10pm Wednesday, so you might find it harder to follow than that weird film Inception.  *****************  Here I sit, flicking idly through the ASOS website sale pages, searching in vain for a very specific cardigan (oh how I love a cardigan – giver of warmth, hider of boobs, […]


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11/02/2016
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It’s all gone to sh*t, as expected…

Uncategorized

I clearly can’t be trusted. TiBloPoDaJa all went to shit as expected. I throw myself at your mercy. Not one blog post was forthcoming from 3rd January onwards. I just had other things to do. Actually that’s a complete lie. I mainly self-loathed during January.  That dark winter January self-loathing won’t self-loathe itself you know.  […]


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13/02/2018
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Shirt-dress Russian roulette.

General Nonsense

Oh! While I’m here I must do my public duty and tell everyone about my phone bill fandango. I never check my phone bill – preferring to bury my head in the sand over such fiscal matters – but earlier this week I phoned EE to upgrade my phone and they pointed out that I’d […]


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18/05/2016
General Nonsense
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The future, foretold. 

General Nonsense

My top ten predictions for 2016: Compulsory organ donations for anyone sharing “Free £50 Tesco vouchers” on Facebook. They don’t need their brains so we’ll harvest them first, although Christ knows what we’ll do with them.  The beard thing will FINALLY be over. All the dudes with carefully cultivated hipster beards will be forced to […]


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27/12/2015
General Nonsense
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Nowt much on. 

General Nonsense

I’ve nowt much on tonight. Hallebloodylujah. I’ve nowt much on engagement-wise I mean; I’m not partially clad. (Although I do tend to remove tights and pants in a oner and throw them across the bedroom with gay abandon as soon as I cross the threshold of the house ( in the way, not out the way – […]


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07/04/2015
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Tightstober. 

General Nonsense

Never mind your Stoptober. Those French Martinis won’t drink themselves you know. No it’s not Stoptober in this house.  Tomorrow ushers in Tightstober. The first official day of tights. I’ll be rocking the triple gusset from now till May. Sad times.  It’s also that time of year where, because I like to wander round the […]


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30/09/2015
General Nonsense
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Bloggy McBlogface. 

General Nonsense

God I’m so over that whole Boaty McBoatface thing.  Well well. We meet again.  This blog is all over the place, time wise. Don’t try to follow it in a linear fashion. Just embrace the chaos.  I confess I was scared to log in to WordPress after all this time. It’s been so long since […]


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25/03/2016
General Nonsense
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Friday’s lessons. 

General Nonsense

Well how stupid do I feel? I bragged; not humbly, about the two things I learned today whilst driving to Stranraer (after I’d calmed down following a meltdown-inducing ‘where-the-fuck-is-the-fucking-car’ incident).  Thing number one – I learned that the location of the petrol cap on a car is indicated by a handy wee symbol on your […]


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06/11/2015
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Just get the fuck on with it.

General Nonsense

I’ve done it again. I abandoned the blog for months and expect you still to be here when I come slithering back, seeking your approval. I have 44 YES FORTY FOUR draft blog posts on the go, full of funny things and anecdotes and embellished stories that will sadly never see the light of day. […]


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25/01/2017
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Emergency!

General Nonsense

I finally took my wee toe to A&E. Here I sit, waiting to be seen, resisting the urge to “check in” on Facebook with a vague attention seeking status update like “oh don’t worry about me guys, I’m just at ACCIDENT AND EMERGENCY with my SUSPECTED BROKEN PINKIE TOE” which would hopefully – nay inevitably […]


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06/10/2015
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My Day On A Plate. 

General Nonsense

Wake up around 7am. (Unless weekend when it’s 7pm). Consider oven chips with fried egg for breakfast. Realise that’s ludicrous so finish off Chinese from night before. Guddle in floordrobe for cleanish garments.  9am – Bit of housework to keep on top of things. Pick up panty liner stuck to bedroom carpet from Monday. Dust glass […]


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15/01/2015
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Contains swears in the middle. 

General Nonsense

I’ve a free weekend for the first time since about 1978. I’m quite excited about the prospect of a whole Sunday of nowhere to be and nobody to have to talk to (that’s not an invitation for my phone to ring off the bloody hook thank you).  I’ve no work to be at, no social […]


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29/11/2015
General Nonsense
8 Comments

Retraction

General Nonsense

Oh Christ. No idea why WordPress just published a dull sentence about my chicken. Move along. Nothing to see here. Just me, being a tit. I’ve deleted the rogue post. Ugh. 


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02/08/2015
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Dreading the thing. 

General Nonsense

No matter how much you’re dreading a thing, it’ll soon pass. That’s as true as death and taxes. (Unless it’s like a reaaaaally long prison sentence or having someone talk you through their holiday snaps – then time drags like buggery and sometimes even goes into reverse).  You might be wondering why I’ve gone all […]


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19/08/2015
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Half ottoman oooooh. 

General Nonsense New things

I’ve missed the blog. I’ve been kinda busy adulting on another website for the furtherance of my education.  As has been clearly demonstrated throughout my life (I offer no examples – use your imagination or indeed memory) I have zero morals so am more than happy to pimp out my efforts here in an attempt to […]


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05/11/2016
General Nonsense, New things
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3am bonus post: 7 or 9 things you didn’t know about me. 

General Nonsense Insomnia Memes.

That crazy meme is doing the rounds. Here are 7 (or 9) things you didn’t know about me: 1) I just trapped Tucker’s paws in the door during a 3am stagger to the bog. He’s totally overreacting now and is licking his paws dramatically.  2) I ate three tubes of Smarties last night and I’m […]


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24/01/2015
General Nonsense, Insomnia, Memes.
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dramarama 

General Nonsense

After a long, tiring day I’m reclining in my boudoir plittering with my phone when I should be tidying the floordrobe and halfheartedly washing the dishes.  It’s been a dramarama of a few days, the details of which are generally not fit for public consumption but include a bizarre episode in A&E on Saturday evening […]


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03/03/2015
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Tuesday roundup. Not spellchecked. Sorry. 

General Nonsense

 Tuesday: my lunchtime Post Office queue* induced fury was offset by the euphoria of being able to touch-type lackadaisical in an email without any errors, and the miracle of my metabolism having somehow managed to convince my body to shed a pound over the festive season, despite rollercoaster dieting which lurched between living on dust […]


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12/01/2016
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This blog contains innuendo, therefore NSFW and NSF the dads. 

General Nonsense

I’ll ease you in gently with the boring stuff first…If anybody has any worrying they’d like me to undertake on their behalf tonight I’m available for fretting  between the hours of 3am and 7am. No worry too small. As soon as the alarm goes off of course things will be very different. I’ll be yawning […]


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04/03/2015
General Nonsense
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Bank holiday wankers and the feels. 

General Nonsense

FINALLY! It’s Friday. The beautiful, curly-haired, freckle-faced bastard lovechild of Saturday and Sunday… Ah but let’s not get too carried away. One is working tomorrow and one isn’t seeing one’s loved one until Sunday. And one doesn’t get the bank holiday on Monday which to all intents and purposes is an English bank holiday. One […]


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22/05/2015
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Happy Birthday ya bard!

General Nonsense

William Shakespeare would have been 400 today – Google tells me so, so it must be true. But he is dead, as nail in door.  I’ve loved Shakespeare since Mr McMillan’s English class and the big LPs he’d handle with his small, allegedly homosexual, hands. And that was before gay was even invented. And that’s […]


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07/05/2016
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Why everyone should commit an imprisonable offence sometime in their lives

Uncategorized

You may be wondering about the title of this post. Well, allow me to elucidate. I’m currently in the throes of improving myself. Tigerbaps 6.0 if you will. This rolling programme of improvements is kicking off with learning to write ‘copy’ whatever that is. Is this copy? It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like […]


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15/02/2018
Uncategorized
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We’re all Jocky Wilson’s bairns. 

General Nonsense

   Guys, guys, guys… I’ve seen and heard some crazy shit spouted these past few days. Sympathy and desire to help isn’t mutually exclusive. We can feel empathy and solidarity with more than one cause at a time. We’re just human beings on an insignificant lump of rock circling an insignificant star. Above all though […]


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05/09/2015
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Tigerbaps’ Ten T’internet Tips. 

General Nonsense

1. Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet – especially if you’re consulting Dr Google. You probably don’t have cholera or consumption.  2. One is not, as far as I’m aware, required by law to like or comment on every single bloody Facebook post or wish every bugger happy birthday. Nor is it a […]


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04/08/2016
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Tearing off tights with my teeth. 

General Nonsense

The title of this post, for the uneducated, is a line from Faithless Insomnia; just for clarification. I haven’t gone completely bonkers! (I hate the word bonkers. I also hate the word boogie and most words that end in -sh. I don’t like the way my mouth feels when I say words ending in -sh) […]


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20/03/2015
General Nonsense
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Big fat hairy deal, NASA. 

General Nonsense

Top NASA scientist says that they’re on the verge of finding alien life.  Is it just me or is everybody thinking that when they finally have that eureka moment and announce they’ve found evidence of alien life elsewhere in’t universe and it turns out to be just like microbes or plants and not a person-like fully […]


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09/04/2015
General Nonsense
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It’s not me; it’s YouView. 

General Nonsense Memory lane Things that piss me off

No bloggings have been forthcoming from my brain this week. My creative juices have clearly dried up. Bloody menopause. (That’s an oxymoron innit?) I had a quietish weekend last weekend (blighted with the lurgy and the broken toe)  which, although not entirely unwelcome, meant that the life admin (I can’t use the word clusterf*ck any […]


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17/10/2015
General Nonsense, Memory lane, Things that piss me off
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Lucid dreaming chips and Krystle Carrington. 

General Nonsense

I’ve struggled this week blogwise. I’m blaming the lack of wheat and the effect of that on my mental state (flibbertigibetty and questionable at the best of times) and faculties. There’s no reason why I’ve stopped eating wheat except that I’m clutching at straws to shift this baby weight, which has been hanging around for […]


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18/02/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

As weekends go that last one was a 10/10. Except the end bit, which I shall simply gloss over, as, at time of tippy tapping this post on my phone whilst the Supremes trill “STOP! In the name of looooove” (I’m avoiding idle chat by scowling at my phone, earphones in) the weekend end bit, […]


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15/03/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

“Something terrible has happened to our speaker and we need you to go on stage right now and deliver this presentation to that audience of 300” If the above scenario actually happened my anxiety level would be at about 2 on the shittingmyself-ometer (which goes from 1 to 10). Sure, I’d bumble and stumble and […]


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07/02/2016
General Nonsense
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Saturday and I hope the window cleaner isn’t judging me by the state of my bedroom.

General Nonsense

It’s been a busy old week. No time for blogging, it seems. Having fought the week-long urge to apply nail polish remover to aforementioned itchy tattoo; I managed to bumble along and survive the week relatively unscathed and  unrumbled as the incompetent buffoon that I am (well it’s more of a galumph in these new shoes really. They really are my most favourite shoes ever in […]


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31/01/2015
General Nonsense
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What I did(n’t do) on my holidays. 

General Nonsense

I sat down to bash out a blog post but I’ll be buggered if I can remember what I was going to say. I had something hilarious in my mind earlier while talking to Tucker but it’s gone now. I doubt it would’ve been hilarious anyway. Mildly amusing at best probably.  I’m in a bit […]


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23/07/2016
General Nonsense
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Tuesday with shoddy grammar. 

General Nonsense

Yesterday was a funny old day. I’m glad it’s over. Maybe now I can get back to what passes as normality in my stupid heid. Despite being all the tired in the world and falling asleep to the opening bars of the Desert Island Discs theme tune I’m still not sleeping properly; waking up at […]


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31/03/2015
General Nonsense
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Fauxfee and free-climbing.

General Nonsense

It doesn’t take much to ruin my day. Yesterday, in my quest to shop local, I thought I’d patronise a local independent takeaway and purchase a cappuccino. I can only ever order cappuccino in the mornings, ever mindful that in Italy I’d be scorned for ordering such a thing at any other time of the […]


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16/01/2015
General Nonsense
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Tags:

General Nonsense

Well that’s another birthday been and gone. I’m a triple cancerian I’ll have you know. This is according to my very dear friend Jason Caddy, astrologer to the rich and famous, and to me. Being a triple cancerian makes me feel things very keenly, apparently. 


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23/07/2016
General Nonsense
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Wednesday. Well it can shit off. 

General Nonsense

Woke up this morning full of fury-by-proxy so decided to shake it off and approach Wednesday with a positive mental attitude.  I’m ending it with pizza induced heartburn straight from the bowels of HELL and a massive sad about elephants. (See Storyville: Circus Elephant Rampage, BBC Four).  Good things about Wednesday: *tumbleweed* Rubbish things about […]


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22/07/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

In less than three weeks’ time I’ll marry my daughter. No it’s not what you’re thinking; I’ve done some random stuff in my colourful life but this time it’s not what it sounds like – I’m performing the ceremony, you big stupid.  To say I’m excited is an understatement.  What a bloody privilege! But I […]


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10/12/2015
General Nonsense
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Things that make me make this face :-{

General Nonsense Gratitude Memory lane Mrs Tigerbaps Things that piss me off

What is it with this ridiculousness?   What thought process, on rifling through the detritus of the floordrobe, results in the decision to wear such an abomination? “The weather’s a bit inbetweeny today – I think I’ll don the Gladiator sandaloots” (for surely this must be the word for footwear that combines the leg coverage […]


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26/09/2015
General Nonsense, Gratitude, Memory lane, Mrs Tigerbaps, Things that piss me off
2 Comments

Barrel scrapings. 

General Nonsense

Don’t bother reading this. It reeks of desperation and barrel scraping. Not much to report today. Busy day in gainful employment so let’s all thank The Lord Harry for that, as an ex mother-in-law was wont to say, which made my eyeballs swivel all the way to the back of my head in crabbitness.  Had […]


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20/01/2015
General Nonsense
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Frailty, thy name is woman, but surely you can forage for a Mint Club?

General Nonsense

Holy shit my chi is all wrong this week and there’s heehaw I seem to be able to do about it. Bloody hormones flippetyflopping about all over the bloody place. I know my attitude’s all wrong and I should be “choosing a positive attitude” or some such shite but I’ve a face like a slapped […]


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28/04/2015
General Nonsense
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AWOL

General Nonsense

I’ve neglected the blog again, haven’t I? I’ve too much on! I’ve too many demands ‘ponst my time and I’ve nowt to say, it seems.  I can’t think of a thing to report so I prostrate myself before you with the following metaphorical sacrificial lamb of a blog: I’ve finally started Mad Men on Amazon […]


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16/04/2016
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

Hello and welcome new blog readers! I’d be very grateful if you could tell me in the comments how you found out about my blog. It’s for a thing I’m doing. As an incentive I’ll get Mrs Baps to pick a name at random to receive a wee surprise in the post.  It wouldn’t kill […]


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06/08/2016
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

Do you ever reflect on a social situation and think “Fuck! I behaved like Homer Simpson in that episode where Marge and Homer hosted a dinner party and he got really drunk and wore a lampshade on his head and ogled Maude Flander’s cleavage”? Well I do. Most of the time. And it’s not always […]


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09/08/2015
General Nonsense
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That time we went dahn sarf.

dog walking General Nonsense Memory lane Mrs Tigerbaps

As is my usual M.O, this has been written over several days and weeks and is therefore confusing. It’ll feel a bit like time travel. It’ll feel like you’ve flitted  back and forth through your wardrobe to Narnia half a dozen times. I apologise in advance. Just go with it. I’m not saying it’s worth […]


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22/08/2016
dog walking, General Nonsense, Memory lane, Mrs Tigerbaps
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One is a lovely number

General Nonsense

Did you watch the Age of Loneliness on BBC2? I caught it on iPlayer after a weekend of binge-watching Making a Murderer which – boy oh boy – is a whole ‘nother story.  The Fabulous one and I built a duvet nest in the living room on Friday night in anticipation of a weekend Netflix […]


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12/01/2016
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

I’ve been on the hunt for just the right bag for the last decade. Can I find the right box ticker? Can I buggery.  Boxes that require ticking include: Must be reassuringly expensive, like Stella Artois or Ferrero Rocher or whatever fecking advert had that as the slogan.  Must not have ridiculous chinkly chankly brasswork […]


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16/02/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

I’m practicing writing 1500 words. I’ve a load of assessments coming up that require the blurting out of upwards of 1500 words. I’m out of practice y’see. I seem to hit 500 words and dry up. Actually I think I get bored rather than dry up, and think “Och that’ll dae”. That may well be […]


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17/04/2016
General Nonsense
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Rollerblading on beaches. 

General Nonsense

Hello! I’ve just popped in to say I’ve got loads of blog posts in draft form again, waiting to be polished up and floated off into the sea of Tigerbaps as I salute them bravely on their way.  Sorry about the weird analogy above – I just kinda ran with it. In my defence I’m […]


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30/01/2016
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

I’m bloody knackered. I’m so bloody knackered I could hardly push the wheely bin up the drive tonight as is the usual Thursday night routine, which I loathe with a passion, if you’re at all interested in my domestic minutiae.  I suspect it’s the lack of carbs. It’s been 2 weeks and 2 days since […]


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03/12/2015
General Nonsense
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I’ve been busy. 

General Nonsense

I just typed “apologies for dearth of blogging” and made myself chuckle. I always chuckle when I read “apologies for not blogging for a while” on blogs, as if everyone’s hanging on to sanity by their fingertips, waiting for the next pronouncement, yet here I am apologising for dearth of blogging. Truth is, I’ve been […]


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10/08/2015
General Nonsense
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I’m sick of:

General Nonsense

Things I’m sick to the back teeth of: Not winning £300,000 on scratchcards.  That bloody light coming on in the bloody car – YOU DON’T NEED A BLOODY LAMBDA SENSOR. STFU AND LET’S HEAR NO MORE ABOUT IT OR I’LL TRADE YOU IN.  Storm Desmond. In a tradition stretching back to Hurricane Bawbag, I propose […]


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05/12/2015
General Nonsense
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I’m so tired…

General Nonsense

So awfully tired… This latest awful incident has, as usual, brought out the best and worst of social media. I’ve considered packing it all in (social media; not life – I know I’m a drama queen but even I have limits) several times over the past few days but I’d miss the fun times. I’m […]


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17/11/2015
General Nonsense
1 Comment

In the beginning.

General Nonsense

I’ve decided to blog. The first few posts will be lazily fashioned Frankensteins’ monsters of all the old toot I’ve posted on Facebook over the years. Not the “watching Big Brother” or “eating toast” ones – no no no – I’ll only publish the ones that’ve proved to be popular with the populace; a phrase […]


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11/01/2015
General Nonsense
12 Comments

I hate the rain. 

General Nonsense

I thought I’d document this here. Last night I experienced without doubt the worst four minutes of my life.  Having not checked the forecast I stupidly hung out towels and duvet covers yesterday at 8am before the rains of biblical proportions started. I returned home scowling at 9pm in the driving bloody rain to a […]


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06/10/2015
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A serious post, sorry. 

General Nonsense

http://www.purpleclover.com/relationships/875-what-dying-want-us-know-about-living/ In an unusual turn of events, this is a wee serious Sunday night post, so don’t read it if you’re feeling a bit Sundaynighty and gloomy.  I read the article in the link above. I read stuff like that all the time and think – yep – I really need to be more in […]


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08/03/2015
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General Nonsense

Along with half the population of the planet I decided to get up at 3am to witness the lunar fabulousness. As I stood there, in my Bet Lynch leopard print dressing gown and bare feet (I really like to feel in touch with the earth, y’know? It’s so grounding*) scowling up at the eclipsed moon, […]


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28/09/2015
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The Millstone

General Nonsense

Only Day 3 of TiBloPoDaJa and it’s already all gone to shit. It’s 9:15pm and I just woke up from an accidental nap that started at 7pm during part 2 of a Joan Crawford/Bette Davis bingefest and I haven’t even started to think about what to blog about. Methinks my bold claims for TiBloPoDaJa were […]


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03/01/2018
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Goodbye Bish

General Nonsense

I learned that Twitter and the real world lost one of its finest at the weekend.  Simon Bishop (Bish to everyone who knew him) 


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29/06/2016
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General Nonsense

I’m not sure how much my life has been measurably improved by being permanently plugged in to the internet. It annoys me as much as it enriches my life. Take the tyranny of the Facebook ‘like’ button, for example. It’s a minefield of etiquette. I’m usually too lazy to like much; sometimes I read stuff […]


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23/07/2015
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Sick note. 

General Nonsense

Would you bloody believe it? Last day of a week’s holiday and I get a mystery – not to mention unattractive – sickness bug at 2am Sunday. You couldn’t make it up. I’m very pissed off now that I can move my head to pick up my phone and moan about it.  Regular Facebook inspections […]


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14/06/2015
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General Nonsense

I’. As weekends go that last one was a 10/10. Except the end bit, which I shall simply gloss over, as, at time of tippytapping this post on my phone whilst the Supremes trill “STOP! In the name of looooove” (I’m avoiding idle chat by scowling at my phone, earphones in) the weekend end bit, […]


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18/03/2015
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Spider update

General Nonsense

Aforementioned exotic looking spider in post box appears to have died. It could be faking it. All the news, as it happens, right here.  While I’m on, I’m a fan of the foam shrimp. I’ve never really grown up, confectionery-wise. I purchased a packet today in M&S for 70p and cracked them open on the […]


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08/04/2015
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General Nonsense

Oooooo you are awful… Eh hello? Last blog post refers, in which I urged you to remind me to put the bin out. You didn’t. I’m not best pleased. You had one job… I’ve been awake every bloody hour,  in a puddle of menopausal night sweats (and possibly French Martini sweats but you can’t prove […]


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17/05/2015
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Just wash the bloody cups already. 

General Nonsense

Whilst I appreciate I should be asleep after today’s horrific dental shenanigans which have left me an emotional wreck and a husk of a woman, (I’ve spent most of today in a fug of Nurofen Plus, hallucinating pastry products, dropping pens and forgetting what I was going to say right in the middle of a […]


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06/07/2015
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General Nonsense

I managed not to shout COCK during the ceremony yesterday. Other things I managed not to do were cry. 


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30/12/2015
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Today’s featured image, for no good reason, is a battered sausage. 

General Nonsense

Well, well. Things turned a bit maudlin there, didn’t they? Not even a whiff or a mention of a vagina. I blame the weekend excesses. Alcohol wreaks havoc with my chi and makes me a bit melancholy. Still, enjoyable at the time, so that’s what matters eh?  Feeling much better today, which on the surface […]


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10/03/2015
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General Nonsense

Day 3 of a week’s annual leave. It takes me a few days to get into the swing of not doing much, during which time I tend not to want to see or speak to anybody. I’m a weirdo but it’s the only way I can recharge the ol’ batteries.  Today’s been challenging thus far. 


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18/08/2016
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General Nonsense

I’ve literally worn my eyes out. Well not literally literally but I’ve worn them out. After the great “Spending of the ill-gotten gains of 2012” which included buying an impractical but cute car, a cruise, and the famous bionic eye surgery, 


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27/08/2015
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Twelve monkeys 

General Nonsense

Well I’ve had quite the lovely few days, despite the dental issue earlier in the week which foreshadowed my weekend. Teeth and matters of the mouth have loomed large this past year. I realise I’m not getting any younger but must bits and bobs keep falling off/breaking/letting me down?  The weird antibiotics were like a […]


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01/09/2015
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Pasta. 

General Nonsense

Pasta’s a cruel mistress. You’re eating away thinking “god I’m so hungry I could eat this forever. I just can’t seem to get full. I wish this pasta would never end. After this I’ll swing by the Pammy cafe and grab a chip roll and a family bag o’ Skittles”.  Five minutes later you’re lying […]


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07/02/2015
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Poncy tea and the drive-by teabagging. 

General Nonsense

There’s a bewildering array of teas in Tesco these days. I’d occasion to replace some weirdarse tea inadvertently consumed by the Dutch visitors last week which wasn’t actually mine for the consumption. Oops. So off to Tesco, sans carrier bag as usual, despite the million carrier bags assuming the stress position in the kitchen rummage […]


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24/02/2015
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Things I’ve loved and lost. 

General Nonsense

The universe giveth; and the universe taketh away. I refer, of course, to cocktail glasses. Similarly, amber rings. The universe doesn’t want me to have an amber ring.  I’ve lost count of how many amber rings I’ve bought and lost. I love amber, but I’m not meant to have it. See also purple cardigans from […]


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29/03/2015
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General Nonsense

I’ve grown very intolerant as I’ve aged. I’ve always been crabbit (noun: Scots – grumpy/quick tempered with face like a cat’s arse) but thought I’d plateaued.  I’m just naturally a grumpy person I guess. It’s my default mood. Oh I’m nice sometimes but it drains all my energy.  Homo Sapiens as a species can be […]


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10/01/2016
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Skanky nail polish and Kelpie chat. 

General Nonsense

I started writing this on Saturday morning and the quiet weekend ended up being not very quiet after all. I’m not changing it, so you’ll just have to suspend disbelief and read it. Accept it for what it is, as it were. I’m sure you’ve better things to be doing on a Sunday evening anyway. […]


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24/01/2015
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Chufties. 

General Nonsense

(This post is all out of sync. I’m now at home reclining in my boudoir in the Bet Lynch Primark dressing gown. But read on…) 530pm. I’m between weddings. By which I mean I’ve just performed a wedding ceremony and am about to perform another – my fifth of the day. Would you believe me […]


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03/06/2015
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General Nonsense

I was in the throes of kitchen cupboard tidying but got sidetracked with lying on my bed which has proved to be considerably more enjoyable than kitchen cupboard tidying.  We, as a family, albeit scattered to the winds, are up to our eyes in wedding fever. 


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28/10/2015
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Crimplene trousers and gingerbread.

General Nonsense

I had two great Eureka moments tonight whilst buttering an oatcake. 1 – Lifehack: See this spoon? The corner of the (empty) fag packet is shown for relative size and isn’t a weird “serving suggestion”. The presence of my foot, intruding into the bottom right of the picture and the empty HRT packet at 1 o’clock […]


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22/05/2016
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My 

General Nonsense

my default mood is moany. I know I’m doing it. I just can’t stop myself doing it. Three things.  Pain pullulate.  Make this face.  Coffee right. Nailed it. 


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16/09/2015
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Wednesday woe. 

General Nonsense

I’m not being funny or anything but as someone who loves a bit of satire I planned my whole week around the new series of W1A which I was led to believe by a certain someone who shall remain nameless LESLEY ROSS was starting tonight as in tonight being Wednesday. Yes no brilliant. I woke […]


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22/04/2015
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Boring Maritime Status Updates from 2012 – A Retrospective

General Nonsense

What follows is a mashup of the BMSUs (Boring Maritime Status Updates) I posted on FB during my cruise in 2012. I travelled alone. Oh yes I did. I’m quite the intrepid traveller you know. These posts seemed funny at the time but on re-reading I think they’re actually a bit shit. Oh yes these […]


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11/01/2015
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General Nonsense

Mortified. Ashamed. Ridiculed. Humiliated. These are all words. Yes they are words alright. Furthermore they are words that describe how I feel after the third – and worst by far – visit to the vet in as many weeks. I’m sure the bloody vet thinks I’m suffering from Munchausens by proxy. (Please laugh at that […]


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15/04/2015
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Friday round-up with pic of mug with Queen Mum thereon. 

General Nonsense

Bad: What’s with this bloody weather?  Bad: Saw a dead badger.  Good: Good eyebrows today. Fierce.  Bad: Walker’s Sweet n Salty Popcorn.  Good: Woke up in great mood. Bad: Didn’t last.  Bad: I’ve a frock to iron for wee Annie’s wedding the morra. The mere thought is bringing on a downer.  Good: Looking forward to […]


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06/03/2015
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Sausages are not the only fruit. 

General Nonsense

This blog title popped into my head and paraphrases Jeanette Winterson. It bears no relation to the content of this post other than I casually mention sausages once.  Most of what follows was drafted last weekend, as is customary round these parts.  Well, my parts, to be specific, but please don’t dwell on my parts […]


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14/05/2016
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Au revoir les lapins 

General Nonsense

I’ve several blog post drafts in various states of draftness but I interrupt this boring piece of news which has done nobody any good whatsoever or enriched anyone’s Friday morning to tell you about my Fitbit stats.  I’m homeward bound today after three days of overzealous Fitbit activity monitoring. It seems I’ve had a total […]


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12/06/2015
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General Nonsense

Well I’ve been full of angry this week. I’m very much over bloody airports and their bloody rules. They’re deliberately designed to stress out the weary traveller. There’s nowt glamorous about flying any more. Before anyone starts with the “oh yes but we need to be vigilant and prevent terrorism blah blah blah” I KNOW […]


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06/11/2015
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Health update because I’ve nothing else meaningful to say LALALALA. 

General Nonsense

Well that was an interesting 48 hours. How to lose half a stone and burn off the lining of your throat so you sound like you’ve smoked sixty fags a day and not just the odd fagatthebackdoor without really trying.  I did somehow summon up the energy to forage for nursery food at the Big […]


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15/06/2015
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Arctic Tundra and Bri Nylon

General Nonsense

I’ve got some weird permafrost action going on on my front garden. (Totally sounds like a euphemism,  but isn’t, yet is, in fact, strangely fitting as a euphemism). In scenes reminiscent of the “Big Snow of ’96”, the “Big Snow of Last Week”  has left my front garden and associated driveway like the arctic tundra. […]


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06/02/2015
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Nonsense on stilts

General Nonsense

The latest addition to my list of “Things I Think Are A Load of Shite”  is The Bucket List. (And bagels. When in the name of fuck will somebody give me a break and make bagels without the bloody hole? It makes ramming sausages in it very difficult – the natural gentle curve of the […]


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25/05/2015
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General Nonsense

Quiet day newswise – well in Lindseyland at least. Shame about Terry Pratchett eh? I’ve never read any of his books and as discussed in previous post I’m running out of life to read all the books. That said, I downloaded one this morning which, it is claimed, is set to become a cult classic, […]


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12/03/2015
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Amy

General Nonsense

Saw Amy on Friday night. The film about Amy Winehouse, that is. It’s up to you whether you can be arsed reading this, lest there be spoilers, but unless you’ve been on a ten year retreat, meditating cross legged in a cave, you’re not exactly likely to learn anything new by reading this. It’s not […]


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04/07/2015
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End of year roundup. 

General Nonsense

Went aurora hunting. Freezing. No aurora. Stars lovely. Came back. Ate two crackers. Indulged in moderate self loathing. Donned nightie. Fired up Kindle. Got distracted. Fired up Amazon. Got distracted. Fired up Instagram. Got distracted. Fired up Facebook. Got distracted.  Mulled over some new hypochondria for 2016 eg borderline personality disorder.  Harboured neggy thoughts about […]


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31/12/2015
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Sheep’s Head Broth? No thanks. 

General Nonsense

I seized a moment of domestic motivation to tidy some drawers and found a couple of ancient recipe books. Here’s a recipe for ye oldde lettyce and tomattoe saladde, should you be stumped for such a tricksy recipe at any time.    Additionally, if you’ve a sheep’s head lurking in the fridge, which I sincerely doubt, […]


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12/09/2015
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Half-arsed TV critic. 

General Nonsense

I’ve started watching stuff on Amazon Prime at last. Found Transparent Seasons 1 and 2 to be particularly enjoyable and practically perfect in every way and can thoroughly recommend same.  I proclaimed loudly to Mrs ‘Baps as we lounged in bed binge-watching Season 2 that it was possibly the best tv I’d ever laid eyes […]


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21/01/2016
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General Nonsense

My latest Facebook status, thus:   has made me take stock of all the time I waste on nonsense and frivolity. 


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18/04/2015
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General Nonsense

I’m at an awkward age, what with the mood swings, the insomnia, the drying up of orifices, the noises I make when getting up, sitting down, bending, the stress incontinence, the hot flushes, the redistribution of fat in stupid places, the nana-brain, the forgetting of words for things, the crabbitness, the tiredness, the lusting after […]


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22/04/2015
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Over-commitment 

General Nonsense

Due to over-commitment of my non-work time, this seems to be the only time of day at the moment I’m able to answer messages, reply to emails, make plans, or think about hard things. So hello, everybody, and if you’re waiting for a reply from me about anything then it might be coming right up.(it […]


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11/11/2015
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Kind of a big deal. 

General Nonsense

When the inevitable happens and I keel over with my leg in the air – because two things in life are certain – death and taxes-  (And the phenomenon of feeling better the morning of a doctor’s appointment, or unexpected visitors *stab stab stab them to death* when you’re mid Netflix binge and a six […]


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07/05/2015
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The Great Cankling of 2014

General Nonsense

Tuesday: 5am.  It’s always about this stupid time of day I think “oh I’ll just text [insert name here] about [insert thing here]” then I remember what stupid time it is and stop myself, in case I wake the recipient, and actually if I’m honest even that would give me some dark glee, because if […]


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16/06/2015
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Ding dong the bells are gonna chiiiiime…

General Nonsense

So Hannah and Ross get married TOMORROW! I can hardly believe it’s here already. It’s a very exciting and happy family occasion and a chance to dress up like a flea hook as my mother used to say – which I’m guessing is a reference to fishing flies but may of course be wrong. She […]


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28/12/2015
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Like Mariah, I don’t do stairs.

Uncategorized

Here we go with blog number 2 of TiBloPoDaJa.  I stupidly started drafting this blog post on the Notes app on my phone at 7am on Saturday. Unfortunately the same phone is now running an update which will take about forty earth hours and all because of emoji envy. I didn’t have a pie emoji […]


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02/01/2018
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Is it only Tuesday?

General Nonsense

Oh god it’s all kicking off in the Celeb Big Brother house. Alicia’s been hiding bananas and that’s not a euphemism. She’s crying as we speak. About the banana hiding I assume. I turned Big Brother on by accident. That’s not a weird euphemism either.  So today happened. So that’s good, innit? Lucky to have […]


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13/01/2015
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Because it’s there. 

General Nonsense

So I went to see Everest in 3D last night. Because it was there. At the cinema, in case clarification is required: I didn’t schlep to the foothills of the Himalayas after work yesterday, and certainly not with these inappropriately shod feet. The fact that I went to the pictures at all is an achievement […]


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19/09/2015
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General Nonsense

Could time travel really take place?  I’d like to think in a number of parallel universes where I’ve made  Ih Lindsey it’s all me me me well yes it is coz this is my blog so piss off and get your own if you don’t like hearing about my weirdness. Or go and stand over […]


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11/02/2015
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It’s hot, innit?

General Nonsense

I’ve the fan on. It’s so bloody hot! I was asked if I had a bucket list at the weekend.  I couldn’t remember if I did – or if I did have one I’ve forgotten what was on it. The only thing that blurts forth from my mouth when asked about a bucket list is […]


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07/06/2016
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When will I be famous, damn you (does that need a question mark?)

General Nonsense

Here’s a round up of news and bits and bobs Stubbed my toe on a bed this week and self diagnosed a broken toe. I didn’t feel I should bother anybody to have it X-Rayd or whatever the past participle of X-Ray is. Apparently there’s not much they do for a broken toe but I […]


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13/09/2015
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General Nonsense

I’ve had a hebdomas horribilis. Two or three, in actual fact.  I haven’t even managed to blurt out a blog, due to the hurly-burly of work, rest and play.  Having spent a marvellous few days in Paris, I returned home full of hope and joie de vivre, which quickly turned to joie de vomiting bug, unfortunately. […]


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16/06/2015
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Complimenth of the Theathon

General Nonsense Uncategorized

It’s been well documented round these parts that I’ve a hypersensitive gag reflex. This has been tested to its absolute limits this week since my mouth became host to a foreign object in the shape of my very first denture. Talk about gag! And what a bloody palaver trying to keep it in! I’ve sooked […]


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20/12/2017
General Nonsense, Uncategorized
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General Nonsense

This blog post is sponsored by the tears of a mild hangover and the night sweats. I don’t cope very well with days that don’t allow me time to lie on my bed for an hour or two in the evening plittering with my phone and thinking about stuff.  It’s been a long week. A […]


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28/05/2015
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FOBO. 

General Nonsense

Coupled with my crippling fear of dropping my car keys down a drain, (I might just pop them down a drain one of these days just to get the ensuing bloody drama over with since, according to Susan Jeffers way back in 1987 we’re all supposed to Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway, although […]


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30/07/2015
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Blog Post Graphic

TiBloPoDaJa – 1/31

Gratitude Memory lane

This will be a two blog post day. I’m going to try to post a blog a day for a month, hence the catchy acronymic title of this blog post – TiBloPoDaJa  – Tigerbaps Blog Post a Day in January.  This then is blog post number 1 which I should’ve posted yesterday. I’ll post one […]


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02/01/2018
Gratitude, Memory lane
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More things I’m sick of: festive edition. 

General Nonsense

Part Two: That bloody elf thing. Where’s the bloody elf or whatever the shit it’s called. NOBODY BLADDY CARES. Who started this nonsense? Any referral to sparkling wine as “bubbly”.  This effing diet.  Security questions on websites. Fuck! Chummy “live chat” with customer advisers where you go round in bloody circles getting nowhere and get […]


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15/12/2015
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Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi 

General Nonsense

I’m entering a competition to write a column for a magazine despite the fact that: A) I have no idea what to write and very much doubt that words like vagina, fuck and shit would be either printworthy or acceptable. B) The minute I’m required to do something it stops being fun (except possibly being […]


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10/05/2015
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So I

General Nonsense

dwuering consultant? New career. Cluttering consultant. Free yourself from the tyranny of a tidy house. 


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28/04/2015
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Title? Oh I don’t know. Friday?

General Nonsense

People (one person) often ask if this blog has a theme. Haha! Eh naw. There can be various threads and intertwining themes in one post, of which this is a prime example. Read on, and marvel at the clever seamless segueing from one theme to another. Actually that’s a lie; it’s more of a CLANNNGGG […]


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23/01/2015
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No, don’t argue, I’m DEFINITELY leaving Facebook. 

General Nonsense

Theres something a bit poetic about this week. Something a bit Four Weddings and a Funeral-ly about it.  By Monday I’ll have shadowed three weddings, actually married a real life couple (my very first one. I’ll never forget their full names and dates of birth – I practice-married them using stand-ins about a million times) […]


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29/03/2015
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Flying visit. 

General Nonsense

Hello! I just dropped in to tell you about the alternative bucket list I’ve started. It’s not exhaustive and is very much a work in progress.  Must dash – I’ve just necked a Sleepeaze and feel it working its magic already.  My bucket/ fucket list.  Roll naked on wet grass, while laughing like a drain.  […]


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26/05/2015
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General Nonsense

I’ve a pair of black patent size 6 DMs in the back of my car, brand new, in box. Should’ve sent them back but didn’t seem to get round to it. 


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07/02/2015
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Drowning in a sea of clutter. 

General Nonsense

I read an article about decluttering by some smartarse Japanese bird this morning. Well, I say I read it, I sort of skimmed it. Skimmed it and saved it for future reading. I don’t know why I didn’t just read it there and then, but my life’s full of saved links for future reading, unread books, […]


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08/07/2015
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General Nonsense

This whole “sleeping on the other side of the bed” thing isn’t working for me. The other side of the bed’s a foreign country. My bum doesn’t know where to put itself. In the eastern lands or the western lands? Even Tucker’s confused. He’s like “whoa dude can we not just give up and go […]


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25/01/2015
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That time I was a nun. 

General Nonsense

Obviously it’s sad and everything that Geraldine McEwan’s dead but it does afford me yet another opportunity to mention my acting role along side her in the Magdalene Sisters. (Is alongside one word or two?). I say “acting” role but it was more of an “eating” role as I was made to eat an actual […]


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31/01/2015
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Panic buying Immac. 

General Nonsense

I love a good drama as much as the next fuckwit, but stop with the amber weather warnings already. Jesus. I’ve worn a hole in the carpet getting up to look out of the window.   Having fought the urge to apply nail polish remover to aforementioned itchy tattoo; I managed to survive the weekend relatively […]


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27/01/2015
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Mom jeans and Hippety Hoppety Hoo.

General Nonsense

I have feck all to wear. I have stuff to wear at work and I have stuff to wear to bed and that’s it. I have nothing to wear that isn’t for those occasions. I might as well be in prison – at least I’d have a uniform and unbridled downtime. I sometimes childishly wish there […]


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08/06/2015
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Comets and matching crockery. 

General Nonsense

This post isn’t really about comets.  I’m struggling to type this. Not because it’s a difficult subject matter, but because I liberally applied Clarin’s Haute Exigence Nuit Super Restorative Night Cream all over my parched face last night and it’s in my eyes. Everything looks like Doris Day – all dreamy and soft focus.  I […]


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19/12/2015
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Sunday confessional. 

General Nonsense

I really wish I hadn’t told the story today about that time I blurted “Aww you’re a handsome big boy, aren’t you!” when I bumped into a friend with her son whom I’d never met before, then later realising it was in fact her older, married brother, which accounted for the bemused looks. The situation […]


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05/07/2015
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Long sentence apology

General Nonsense

I apologise for the longest sentence in history in previous post. Clumsy. Should re-read before pressing publish…


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09/02/2015
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Pardon?

General Nonsense

I seem to be saying pardon a lot these days. Or: “EH?”  Or “Sorry?”


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06/08/2016
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General Nonsense

I’ve had ALL the hairstyles, me. ALL. I’ve had a Bo Derek, a Farrah Fawcett, a Purdie, a Rachel-off-Friends, a Debbie Harry, and that one time, an experimental Phil Oakey that made me look like I was constantly walking at 45 degrees to the pavement. I don’t know why I tried that; I hate asymmetry. […]


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24/04/2015
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There’s aaaa plaaaace for uuuuus…

General Nonsense Memory lane Things that piss me off

Forgive me for speaking kinda ill of the dead, but I have lived my fifty odd years thinking Leonard Cohen was Leonard Bernstein.  I can’t explain this. I have literally no awareness of L Cohen’s oeuvre,  except for that Hallelujah dirge that every X Factor contestant in the world has covered, most of which were […]


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12/11/2016
General Nonsense, Memory lane, Things that piss me off
No Comments

Three little things…

General Nonsense

In a (probably vain) attempt to adopt a more positive attitude to life and shit, I decided to force myself to do the three things I’m grateful for daily thingummy. Or should that read three things for which I’m grateful, daily?  Whatever the syntax, it’s been proven, possibly by some tryhard boffin who secured a squillion Euro […]


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25/09/2015
General Nonsense
2 Comments

Thursday ups and downs and not in a rude way. 

General Nonsense

Up:  my Nespresso order FINALLY arrived.  Down: opened Nespresso order – realised had Inadvertently ordered 100  decaffeinated capsules. Who drinks that? I stood staring forlornly at it like one of the penguins in that sad penguin film where the egg dies and the mummy and daddy penguin have a big long sad and look all […]


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10/02/2015
General Nonsense
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Wednesday woe. 

General Nonsense

I’m not being funny or anything but as someone who loves a bit of satire I planned my whole week around the new series of W1A which I was led to believe by a certain someone who shall remain nameless LESLEY ROSS was starting tonight as in tonight being Wednesday. Yes no brilliant. I woke […]


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22/04/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

Day 3 of a week’s annual leave. It takes me a few days to get into the swing of not doing much, during which time I tend not to want to see or speak to anybody. I’m a weirdo but it’s the only way I can recharge the ol’ batteries.  Today’s been challenging thus far. 


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18/08/2016
General Nonsense
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One is a lovely number

General Nonsense

Did you watch the Age of Loneliness on BBC2? I caught it on iPlayer after a weekend of binge-watching Making a Murderer which – boy oh boy – is a whole ‘nother story.  The Fabulous one and I built a duvet nest in the living room on Friday night in anticipation of a weekend Netflix […]


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12/01/2016
General Nonsense
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Sick note. 

General Nonsense

Would you bloody believe it? Last day of a week’s holiday and I get a mystery – not to mention unattractive – sickness bug at 2am Sunday. You couldn’t make it up. I’m very pissed off now that I can move my head to pick up my phone and moan about it.  Regular Facebook inspections […]


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14/06/2015
General Nonsense
4 Comments

Friday’s lessons. 

General Nonsense

Well how stupid do I feel? I bragged; not humbly, about the two things I learned today whilst driving to Stranraer (after I’d calmed down following a meltdown-inducing ‘where-the-fuck-is-the-fucking-car’ incident).  Thing number one – I learned that the location of the petrol cap on a car is indicated by a handy wee symbol on your […]


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06/11/2015
General Nonsense
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My Day On A Plate. 

General Nonsense

Wake up around 7am. (Unless weekend when it’s 7pm). Consider oven chips with fried egg for breakfast. Realise that’s ludicrous so finish off Chinese from night before. Guddle in floordrobe for cleanish garments.  9am – Bit of housework to keep on top of things. Pick up panty liner stuck to bedroom carpet from Monday. Dust glass […]


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15/01/2015
General Nonsense
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Fallow period. 

General Nonsense

I’ve dried up. I’m going through a fallow period, blogwise. I wish I could say I’m too busy solving world hunger/doing humanitarian work in war torn countries/knitting hats* for premature baby orang-utans to blog but actually I’ve been mostly just playing online Scrabble, smoking the odd fagatthebackdoor and hunched over the laptop for hours on […]


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03/07/2015
General Nonsense
3 Comments

Over-commitment 

General Nonsense

Due to over-commitment of my non-work time, this seems to be the only time of day at the moment I’m able to answer messages, reply to emails, make plans, or think about hard things. So hello, everybody, and if you’re waiting for a reply from me about anything then it might be coming right up.(it […]


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11/11/2015
General Nonsense
2 Comments

FOBO. 

General Nonsense

Coupled with my crippling fear of dropping my car keys down a drain, (I might just pop them down a drain one of these days just to get the ensuing bloody drama over with since, according to Susan Jeffers way back in 1987 we’re all supposed to Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway, although […]


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30/07/2015
General Nonsense
1 Comment

Long sentence apology

General Nonsense

I apologise for the longest sentence in history in previous post. Clumsy. Should re-read before pressing publish…


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09/02/2015
General Nonsense
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Just get the fuck on with it.

General Nonsense

I’ve done it again. I abandoned the blog for months and expect you still to be here when I come slithering back, seeking your approval. I have 44 YES FORTY FOUR draft blog posts on the go, full of funny things and anecdotes and embellished stories that will sadly never see the light of day. […]


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25/01/2017
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

I’m bloody knackered. I’m so bloody knackered I could hardly push the wheely bin up the drive tonight as is the usual Thursday night routine, which I loathe with a passion, if you’re at all interested in my domestic minutiae.  I suspect it’s the lack of carbs. It’s been 2 weeks and 2 days since […]


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03/12/2015
General Nonsense
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Panic buying Immac. 

General Nonsense

I love a good drama as much as the next fuckwit, but stop with the amber weather warnings already. Jesus. I’ve worn a hole in the carpet getting up to look out of the window.   Having fought the urge to apply nail polish remover to aforementioned itchy tattoo; I managed to survive the weekend relatively […]


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27/01/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

This whole “sleeping on the other side of the bed” thing isn’t working for me. The other side of the bed’s a foreign country. My bum doesn’t know where to put itself. In the eastern lands or the western lands? Even Tucker’s confused. He’s like “whoa dude can we not just give up and go […]


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25/01/2015
General Nonsense
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Drowning in a sea of clutter. 

General Nonsense

I read an article about decluttering by some smartarse Japanese bird this morning. Well, I say I read it, I sort of skimmed it. Skimmed it and saved it for future reading. I don’t know why I didn’t just read it there and then, but my life’s full of saved links for future reading, unread books, […]


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08/07/2015
General Nonsense
4 Comments

General Nonsense

I was in the throes of kitchen cupboard tidying but got sidetracked with lying on my bed which has proved to be considerably more enjoyable than kitchen cupboard tidying.  We, as a family, albeit scattered to the winds, are up to our eyes in wedding fever. 


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28/10/2015
General Nonsense
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The Great Cankling of 2014

General Nonsense

Tuesday: 5am.  It’s always about this stupid time of day I think “oh I’ll just text [insert name here] about [insert thing here]” then I remember what stupid time it is and stop myself, in case I wake the recipient, and actually if I’m honest even that would give me some dark glee, because if […]


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16/06/2015
General Nonsense
2 Comments

It’s hot, innit?

General Nonsense

I’ve the fan on. It’s so bloody hot! I was asked if I had a bucket list at the weekend.  I couldn’t remember if I did – or if I did have one I’ve forgotten what was on it. The only thing that blurts forth from my mouth when asked about a bucket list is […]


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07/06/2016
General Nonsense
8 Comments

General Nonsense

I’ve a pair of black patent size 6 DMs in the back of my car, brand new, in box. Should’ve sent them back but didn’t seem to get round to it. 


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07/02/2015
General Nonsense
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Big fat hairy deal, NASA. 

General Nonsense

Top NASA scientist says that they’re on the verge of finding alien life.  Is it just me or is everybody thinking that when they finally have that eureka moment and announce they’ve found evidence of alien life elsewhere in’t universe and it turns out to be just like microbes or plants and not a person-like fully […]


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09/04/2015
General Nonsense
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Why everyone should commit an imprisonable offence sometime in their lives

Uncategorized

You may be wondering about the title of this post. Well, allow me to elucidate. I’m currently in the throes of improving myself. Tigerbaps 6.0 if you will. This rolling programme of improvements is kicking off with learning to write ‘copy’ whatever that is. Is this copy? It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like […]


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15/02/2018
Uncategorized
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Frailty, thy name is woman, but surely you can forage for a Mint Club?

General Nonsense

Holy shit my chi is all wrong this week and there’s heehaw I seem to be able to do about it. Bloody hormones flippetyflopping about all over the bloody place. I know my attitude’s all wrong and I should be “choosing a positive attitude” or some such shite but I’ve a face like a slapped […]


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28/04/2015
General Nonsense
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This blog contains innuendo, therefore NSFW and NSF the dads. 

General Nonsense

I’ll ease you in gently with the boring stuff first…If anybody has any worrying they’d like me to undertake on their behalf tonight I’m available for fretting  between the hours of 3am and 7am. No worry too small. As soon as the alarm goes off of course things will be very different. I’ll be yawning […]


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04/03/2015
General Nonsense
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The Millstone

General Nonsense

Only Day 3 of TiBloPoDaJa and it’s already all gone to shit. It’s 9:15pm and I just woke up from an accidental nap that started at 7pm during part 2 of a Joan Crawford/Bette Davis bingefest and I haven’t even started to think about what to blog about. Methinks my bold claims for TiBloPoDaJa were […]


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03/01/2018
General Nonsense
1 Comment

Things that make me make this face :-{

General Nonsense Gratitude Memory lane Mrs Tigerbaps Things that piss me off

What is it with this ridiculousness?   What thought process, on rifling through the detritus of the floordrobe, results in the decision to wear such an abomination? “The weather’s a bit inbetweeny today – I think I’ll don the Gladiator sandaloots” (for surely this must be the word for footwear that combines the leg coverage […]


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26/09/2015
General Nonsense, Gratitude, Memory lane, Mrs Tigerbaps, Things that piss me off
2 Comments

Complimenth of the Theathon

General Nonsense Uncategorized

It’s been well documented round these parts that I’ve a hypersensitive gag reflex. This has been tested to its absolute limits this week since my mouth became host to a foreign object in the shape of my very first denture. Talk about gag! And what a bloody palaver trying to keep it in! I’ve sooked […]


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20/12/2017
General Nonsense, Uncategorized
6 Comments

Sheep’s Head Broth? No thanks. 

General Nonsense

I seized a moment of domestic motivation to tidy some drawers and found a couple of ancient recipe books. Here’s a recipe for ye oldde lettyce and tomattoe saladde, should you be stumped for such a tricksy recipe at any time.    Additionally, if you’ve a sheep’s head lurking in the fridge, which I sincerely doubt, […]


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12/09/2015
General Nonsense
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Kind of a big deal. 

General Nonsense

When the inevitable happens and I keel over with my leg in the air – because two things in life are certain – death and taxes-  (And the phenomenon of feeling better the morning of a doctor’s appointment, or unexpected visitors *stab stab stab them to death* when you’re mid Netflix binge and a six […]


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07/05/2015
General Nonsense
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Half ottoman oooooh. 

General Nonsense New things

I’ve missed the blog. I’ve been kinda busy adulting on another website for the furtherance of my education.  As has been clearly demonstrated throughout my life (I offer no examples – use your imagination or indeed memory) I have zero morals so am more than happy to pimp out my efforts here in an attempt to […]


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05/11/2016
General Nonsense, New things
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I wish I had a spiraliser

General Nonsense

Yes I’m back on the subject of wishing and yes I’m wishing for a spiraliser. What of it? There’s always room for another gadget in the house of profligacy. I read an article about spiralisers in a Sunday Supplement (on Sunday, funnily enough) and at first made that face – the one I usually make […]


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17/05/2015
General Nonsense
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I’m so tired…

General Nonsense

So awfully tired… This latest awful incident has, as usual, brought out the best and worst of social media. I’ve considered packing it all in (social media; not life – I know I’m a drama queen but even I have limits) several times over the past few days but I’d miss the fun times. I’m […]


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17/11/2015
General Nonsense
1 Comment

Tuesday roundup. Not spellchecked. Sorry. 

General Nonsense

 Tuesday: my lunchtime Post Office queue* induced fury was offset by the euphoria of being able to touch-type lackadaisical in an email without any errors, and the miracle of my metabolism having somehow managed to convince my body to shed a pound over the festive season, despite rollercoaster dieting which lurched between living on dust […]


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12/01/2016
General Nonsense
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Redrum

General Nonsense

I love a Kubrick film. There’s nothing finer. I especially love the Shining. This is one of my favourite scenes, so it is. I’d love to come home after a hard day erm…doing that thing I do that passes for work – to my own personal cocktail waiter with a fully stocked cocktail bar, complete […]


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17/05/2015
General Nonsense
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Rollerblading on beaches. 

General Nonsense

Hello! I’ve just popped in to say I’ve got loads of blog posts in draft form again, waiting to be polished up and floated off into the sea of Tigerbaps as I salute them bravely on their way.  Sorry about the weird analogy above – I just kinda ran with it. In my defence I’m […]


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30/01/2016
General Nonsense
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A serious post, sorry. 

General Nonsense

http://www.purpleclover.com/relationships/875-what-dying-want-us-know-about-living/ In an unusual turn of events, this is a wee serious Sunday night post, so don’t read it if you’re feeling a bit Sundaynighty and gloomy.  I read the article in the link above. I read stuff like that all the time and think – yep – I really need to be more in […]


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08/03/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

My friend Lynn posted a status update on Facebook about lateness and how it’s hard wired into some people’s brains. I don’t have the lateness gene; I need to breathe into a brown paper bag/be slapped out of the screaming abdabs if I’m behind (my self-imposed) schedule. Lateness drives me nuts. 


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03/07/2015
General Nonsense
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I’ve been busy. 

General Nonsense

I just typed “apologies for dearth of blogging” and made myself chuckle. I always chuckle when I read “apologies for not blogging for a while” on blogs, as if everyone’s hanging on to sanity by their fingertips, waiting for the next pronouncement, yet here I am apologising for dearth of blogging. Truth is, I’ve been […]


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10/08/2015
General Nonsense
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The future, foretold. 

General Nonsense

My top ten predictions for 2016: Compulsory organ donations for anyone sharing “Free £50 Tesco vouchers” on Facebook. They don’t need their brains so we’ll harvest them first, although Christ knows what we’ll do with them.  The beard thing will FINALLY be over. All the dudes with carefully cultivated hipster beards will be forced to […]


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27/12/2015
General Nonsense
3 Comments

Things I’ve loved and lost. 

General Nonsense

The universe giveth; and the universe taketh away. I refer, of course, to cocktail glasses. Similarly, amber rings. The universe doesn’t want me to have an amber ring.  I’ve lost count of how many amber rings I’ve bought and lost. I love amber, but I’m not meant to have it. See also purple cardigans from […]


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29/03/2015
General Nonsense
Comments Off on Things I’ve loved and lost. 

General Nonsense

Well that’s another birthday been and gone. I’m a triple cancerian I’ll have you know. This is according to my very dear friend Jason Caddy, astrologer to the rich and famous, and to me. Being a triple cancerian makes me feel things very keenly, apparently. 


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23/07/2016
General Nonsense
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So I

General Nonsense

dwuering consultant? New career. Cluttering consultant. Free yourself from the tyranny of a tidy house. 


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28/04/2015
General Nonsense
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Fork ‘andles. 

General Nonsense

I’m in trouble.  Does anybody feel like ordering some Partylite candles? I promised to have a virtual Partylite party for somebody so they got discount or a guaranteed place in heaven or something but as usual the road to hell is paved with good intention and it’s now a month later and, true to form, […]


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30/09/2015
General Nonsense
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Goodbye Bish

General Nonsense

I learned that Twitter and the real world lost one of its finest at the weekend.  Simon Bishop (Bish to everyone who knew him) 


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29/06/2016
General Nonsense
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When will I be famous, damn you (does that need a question mark?)

General Nonsense

Here’s a round up of news and bits and bobs Stubbed my toe on a bed this week and self diagnosed a broken toe. I didn’t feel I should bother anybody to have it X-Rayd or whatever the past participle of X-Ray is. Apparently there’s not much they do for a broken toe but I […]


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13/09/2015
General Nonsense
10 Comments

It’s all gone to sh*t, as expected…

Uncategorized

I clearly can’t be trusted. TiBloPoDaJa all went to shit as expected. I throw myself at your mercy. Not one blog post was forthcoming from 3rd January onwards. I just had other things to do. Actually that’s a complete lie. I mainly self-loathed during January.  That dark winter January self-loathing won’t self-loathe itself you know.  […]


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13/02/2018
Uncategorized
9 Comments

Nowt much on. 

General Nonsense

I’ve nowt much on tonight. Hallebloodylujah. I’ve nowt much on engagement-wise I mean; I’m not partially clad. (Although I do tend to remove tights and pants in a oner and throw them across the bedroom with gay abandon as soon as I cross the threshold of the house ( in the way, not out the way – […]


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07/04/2015
General Nonsense
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Bank holiday wankers and the feels. 

General Nonsense

FINALLY! It’s Friday. The beautiful, curly-haired, freckle-faced bastard lovechild of Saturday and Sunday… Ah but let’s not get too carried away. One is working tomorrow and one isn’t seeing one’s loved one until Sunday. And one doesn’t get the bank holiday on Monday which to all intents and purposes is an English bank holiday. One […]


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22/05/2015
General Nonsense
No Comments

General Nonsense

In less than three weeks’ time I’ll marry my daughter. No it’s not what you’re thinking; I’ve done some random stuff in my colourful life but this time it’s not what it sounds like – I’m performing the ceremony, you big stupid.  To say I’m excited is an understatement.  What a bloody privilege! But I […]


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10/12/2015
General Nonsense
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3am bonus post: 7 or 9 things you didn’t know about me. 

General Nonsense Insomnia Memes.

That crazy meme is doing the rounds. Here are 7 (or 9) things you didn’t know about me: 1) I just trapped Tucker’s paws in the door during a 3am stagger to the bog. He’s totally overreacting now and is licking his paws dramatically.  2) I ate three tubes of Smarties last night and I’m […]


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24/01/2015
General Nonsense, Insomnia, Memes.
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Just wash the bloody cups already. 

General Nonsense

Whilst I appreciate I should be asleep after today’s horrific dental shenanigans which have left me an emotional wreck and a husk of a woman, (I’ve spent most of today in a fug of Nurofen Plus, hallucinating pastry products, dropping pens and forgetting what I was going to say right in the middle of a […]


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06/07/2015
General Nonsense
1 Comment

AWOL

General Nonsense

I’ve neglected the blog again, haven’t I? I’ve too much on! I’ve too many demands ‘ponst my time and I’ve nowt to say, it seems.  I can’t think of a thing to report so I prostrate myself before you with the following metaphorical sacrificial lamb of a blog: I’ve finally started Mad Men on Amazon […]


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16/04/2016
General Nonsense
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Crimplene trousers and gingerbread.

General Nonsense

I had two great Eureka moments tonight whilst buttering an oatcake. 1 – Lifehack: See this spoon? The corner of the (empty) fag packet is shown for relative size and isn’t a weird “serving suggestion”. The presence of my foot, intruding into the bottom right of the picture and the empty HRT packet at 1 o’clock […]


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22/05/2016
General Nonsense
No Comments

General Nonsense

Could time travel really take place?  I’d like to think in a number of parallel universes where I’ve made  Ih Lindsey it’s all me me me well yes it is coz this is my blog so piss off and get your own if you don’t like hearing about my weirdness. Or go and stand over […]


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11/02/2015
General Nonsense
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Twelve monkeys 

General Nonsense

Well I’ve had quite the lovely few days, despite the dental issue earlier in the week which foreshadowed my weekend. Teeth and matters of the mouth have loomed large this past year. I realise I’m not getting any younger but must bits and bobs keep falling off/breaking/letting me down?  The weird antibiotics were like a […]


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01/09/2015
General Nonsense
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Nonsense on stilts

General Nonsense

The latest addition to my list of “Things I Think Are A Load of Shite”  is The Bucket List. (And bagels. When in the name of fuck will somebody give me a break and make bagels without the bloody hole? It makes ramming sausages in it very difficult – the natural gentle curve of the […]


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25/05/2015
General Nonsense
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That time we went dahn sarf.

dog walking General Nonsense Memory lane Mrs Tigerbaps

As is my usual M.O, this has been written over several days and weeks and is therefore confusing. It’ll feel a bit like time travel. It’ll feel like you’ve flitted  back and forth through your wardrobe to Narnia half a dozen times. I apologise in advance. Just go with it. I’m not saying it’s worth […]


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22/08/2016
dog walking, General Nonsense, Memory lane, Mrs Tigerbaps
No Comments

Boring Maritime Status Updates from 2012 – A Retrospective

General Nonsense

What follows is a mashup of the BMSUs (Boring Maritime Status Updates) I posted on FB during my cruise in 2012. I travelled alone. Oh yes I did. I’m quite the intrepid traveller you know. These posts seemed funny at the time but on re-reading I think they’re actually a bit shit. Oh yes these […]


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11/01/2015
General Nonsense
6 Comments

Comets and matching crockery. 

General Nonsense

This post isn’t really about comets.  I’m struggling to type this. Not because it’s a difficult subject matter, but because I liberally applied Clarin’s Haute Exigence Nuit Super Restorative Night Cream all over my parched face last night and it’s in my eyes. Everything looks like Doris Day – all dreamy and soft focus.  I […]


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19/12/2015
General Nonsense
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It’s not all about Pufflings. 

General Nonsense

Finally! Managed to upload all 3000 pics from my iPhone to iCloud which optimised the space on the iPhone which in turn allowed me to update the software to iOSwhatever and now I can’t remember why I was so desperate to get iOSwhatever in the first place. I probably just had iOS envy. I think […]


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12/07/2015
General Nonsense
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Au revoir les lapins 

General Nonsense

I’ve several blog post drafts in various states of draftness but I interrupt this boring piece of news which has done nobody any good whatsoever or enriched anyone’s Friday morning to tell you about my Fitbit stats.  I’m homeward bound today after three days of overzealous Fitbit activity monitoring. It seems I’ve had a total […]


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12/06/2015
General Nonsense
3 Comments

Happy Birthday ya bard!

General Nonsense

William Shakespeare would have been 400 today – Google tells me so, so it must be true. But he is dead, as nail in door.  I’ve loved Shakespeare since Mr McMillan’s English class and the big LPs he’d handle with his small, allegedly homosexual, hands. And that was before gay was even invented. And that’s […]


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07/05/2016
General Nonsense
No Comments

General Nonsense

Hello and welcome new blog readers! I’d be very grateful if you could tell me in the comments how you found out about my blog. It’s for a thing I’m doing. As an incentive I’ll get Mrs Baps to pick a name at random to receive a wee surprise in the post.  It wouldn’t kill […]


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06/08/2016
General Nonsense
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What I did(n’t do) on my holidays. 

General Nonsense

I sat down to bash out a blog post but I’ll be buggered if I can remember what I was going to say. I had something hilarious in my mind earlier while talking to Tucker but it’s gone now. I doubt it would’ve been hilarious anyway. Mildly amusing at best probably.  I’m in a bit […]


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23/07/2016
General Nonsense
3 Comments

Pardon?

General Nonsense

I seem to be saying pardon a lot these days. Or: “EH?”  Or “Sorry?”


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06/08/2016
General Nonsense
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Warning: here be a graphic image of my plasticine nose

General Nonsense

Preface – I started writing this at 10pm Wednesday, so you might find it harder to follow than that weird film Inception.  *****************  Here I sit, flicking idly through the ASOS website sale pages, searching in vain for a very specific cardigan (oh how I love a cardigan – giver of warmth, hider of boobs, […]


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11/02/2016
General Nonsense
No Comments

I hate the rain. 

General Nonsense

I thought I’d document this here. Last night I experienced without doubt the worst four minutes of my life.  Having not checked the forecast I stupidly hung out towels and duvet covers yesterday at 8am before the rains of biblical proportions started. I returned home scowling at 9pm in the driving bloody rain to a […]


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06/10/2015
General Nonsense
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I’m sick of:

General Nonsense

Things I’m sick to the back teeth of: Not winning £300,000 on scratchcards.  That bloody light coming on in the bloody car – YOU DON’T NEED A BLOODY LAMBDA SENSOR. STFU AND LET’S HEAR NO MORE ABOUT IT OR I’LL TRADE YOU IN.  Storm Desmond. In a tradition stretching back to Hurricane Bawbag, I propose […]


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05/12/2015
General Nonsense
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Belated Birthday greetings, Ryan!

General Nonsense

i almost forgot!  I was in Nona Lou’s yesterday (eating gluten free toast, having decided after a pastry induced episode of bloat that I was wheat intolerant. Yes, it appears I’ve become one of those annoying people who say “ooooh I can’t tolerate wheat, it bloats me, I’ll just have some waffer thin ham”. I […]


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17/04/2015
General Nonsense
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Today’s featured image, for no good reason, is a battered sausage. 

General Nonsense

Well, well. Things turned a bit maudlin there, didn’t they? Not even a whiff or a mention of a vagina. I blame the weekend excesses. Alcohol wreaks havoc with my chi and makes me a bit melancholy. Still, enjoyable at the time, so that’s what matters eh?  Feeling much better today, which on the surface […]


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10/03/2015
General Nonsense
Comments Off on Today’s featured image, for no good reason, is a battered sausage. 

General Nonsense

As weekends go that last one was a 10/10. Except the end bit, which I shall simply gloss over, as, at time of tippy tapping this post on my phone whilst the Supremes trill “STOP! In the name of looooove” (I’m avoiding idle chat by scowling at my phone, earphones in) the weekend end bit, […]


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15/03/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

I managed not to shout COCK during the ceremony yesterday. Other things I managed not to do were cry. 


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30/12/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

I’ve grown very intolerant as I’ve aged. I’ve always been crabbit (noun: Scots – grumpy/quick tempered with face like a cat’s arse) but thought I’d plateaued.  I’m just naturally a grumpy person I guess. It’s my default mood. Oh I’m nice sometimes but it drains all my energy.  Homo Sapiens as a species can be […]


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10/01/2016
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General Nonsense

It’s been a funny old weekend. My hair has refused to play ball and it really affects my mood. I don’t think the Glasgow water agrees with it. It turns it Worzel Gummidgey. It’s on its last warning. Any more of this nonsense and it’s getting cut like a boy’s. 


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01/06/2015
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No, don’t argue, I’m DEFINITELY leaving Facebook. 

General Nonsense

Theres something a bit poetic about this week. Something a bit Four Weddings and a Funeral-ly about it.  By Monday I’ll have shadowed three weddings, actually married a real life couple (my very first one. I’ll never forget their full names and dates of birth – I practice-married them using stand-ins about a million times) […]


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29/03/2015
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Sausages are not the only fruit. 

General Nonsense

This blog title popped into my head and paraphrases Jeanette Winterson. It bears no relation to the content of this post other than I casually mention sausages once.  Most of what follows was drafted last weekend, as is customary round these parts.  Well, my parts, to be specific, but please don’t dwell on my parts […]


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14/05/2016
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General Nonsense

Mortified. Ashamed. Ridiculed. Humiliated. These are all words. Yes they are words alright. Furthermore they are words that describe how I feel after the third – and worst by far – visit to the vet in as many weeks. I’m sure the bloody vet thinks I’m suffering from Munchausens by proxy. (Please laugh at that […]


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15/04/2015
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Friday round-up with pic of mug with Queen Mum thereon. 

General Nonsense

Bad: What’s with this bloody weather?  Bad: Saw a dead badger.  Good: Good eyebrows today. Fierce.  Bad: Walker’s Sweet n Salty Popcorn.  Good: Woke up in great mood. Bad: Didn’t last.  Bad: I’ve a frock to iron for wee Annie’s wedding the morra. The mere thought is bringing on a downer.  Good: Looking forward to […]


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06/03/2015
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The clusterfuck of life admin, revisited. 

General Nonsense

It’s been Procrastination City Arizona here this week, hence the “old newsy” feel of this post – I started it yesterday when my cup overflowed-eth with good humour. Today I could drop-kick Bambi into next week and not give a shit. So here, for what it’s worth, which is shit-all really, is yesterday’s shitty news: […]


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24/02/2015
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Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi 

General Nonsense

I’m entering a competition to write a column for a magazine despite the fact that: A) I have no idea what to write and very much doubt that words like vagina, fuck and shit would be either printworthy or acceptable. B) The minute I’m required to do something it stops being fun (except possibly being […]


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10/05/2015
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General Nonsense

I’ve literally worn my eyes out. Well not literally literally but I’ve worn them out. After the great “Spending of the ill-gotten gains of 2012” which included buying an impractical but cute car, a cruise, and the famous bionic eye surgery, 


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27/08/2015
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General Nonsense

I’ve been on the hunt for just the right bag for the last decade. Can I find the right box ticker? Can I buggery.  Boxes that require ticking include: Must be reassuringly expensive, like Stella Artois or Ferrero Rocher or whatever fecking advert had that as the slogan.  Must not have ridiculous chinkly chankly brasswork […]


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16/02/2015
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General Nonsense

“Something terrible has happened to our speaker and we need you to go on stage right now and deliver this presentation to that audience of 300” If the above scenario actually happened my anxiety level would be at about 2 on the shittingmyself-ometer (which goes from 1 to 10). Sure, I’d bumble and stumble and […]


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07/02/2016
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Title? Oh I don’t know. Friday?

General Nonsense

People (one person) often ask if this blog has a theme. Haha! Eh naw. There can be various threads and intertwining themes in one post, of which this is a prime example. Read on, and marvel at the clever seamless segueing from one theme to another. Actually that’s a lie; it’s more of a CLANNNGGG […]


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23/01/2015
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Shirt-dress Russian roulette.

General Nonsense

Oh! While I’m here I must do my public duty and tell everyone about my phone bill fandango. I never check my phone bill – preferring to bury my head in the sand over such fiscal matters – but earlier this week I phoned EE to upgrade my phone and they pointed out that I’d […]


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18/05/2016
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Fauxfee and free-climbing.

General Nonsense

It doesn’t take much to ruin my day. Yesterday, in my quest to shop local, I thought I’d patronise a local independent takeaway and purchase a cappuccino. I can only ever order cappuccino in the mornings, ever mindful that in Italy I’d be scorned for ordering such a thing at any other time of the […]


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16/01/2015
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Arctic Tundra and Bri Nylon

General Nonsense

I’ve got some weird permafrost action going on on my front garden. (Totally sounds like a euphemism,  but isn’t, yet is, in fact, strangely fitting as a euphemism). In scenes reminiscent of the “Big Snow of ’96”, the “Big Snow of Last Week”  has left my front garden and associated driveway like the arctic tundra. […]


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06/02/2015
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General Nonsense

I’. As weekends go that last one was a 10/10. Except the end bit, which I shall simply gloss over, as, at time of tippytapping this post on my phone whilst the Supremes trill “STOP! In the name of looooove” (I’m avoiding idle chat by scowling at my phone, earphones in) the weekend end bit, […]


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18/03/2015
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General Nonsense

Along with half the population of the planet I decided to get up at 3am to witness the lunar fabulousness. As I stood there, in my Bet Lynch leopard print dressing gown and bare feet (I really like to feel in touch with the earth, y’know? It’s so grounding*) scowling up at the eclipsed moon, […]


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28/09/2015
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Spider update

General Nonsense

Aforementioned exotic looking spider in post box appears to have died. It could be faking it. All the news, as it happens, right here.  While I’m on, I’m a fan of the foam shrimp. I’ve never really grown up, confectionery-wise. I purchased a packet today in M&S for 70p and cracked them open on the […]


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08/04/2015
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Vouchers Shmouchers. 

General Nonsense

Remember this earlier blog post and the whole Tesco Clubcard Voucher kerfuffle? Well I’m relieved to report that the vouchers have FINALLY been spent in the right establishment.  We went to Carlisle today to look at some architecture


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26/11/2016
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General Nonsense

This blog post is sponsored by the tears of a mild hangover and the night sweats. I don’t cope very well with days that don’t allow me time to lie on my bed for an hour or two in the evening plittering with my phone and thinking about stuff.  It’s been a long week. A […]


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28/05/2015
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General Nonsense

Quiet day newswise – well in Lindseyland at least. Shame about Terry Pratchett eh? I’ve never read any of his books and as discussed in previous post I’m running out of life to read all the books. That said, I downloaded one this morning which, it is claimed, is set to become a cult classic, […]


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12/03/2015
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My 

General Nonsense

my default mood is moany. I know I’m doing it. I just can’t stop myself doing it. Three things.  Pain pullulate.  Make this face.  Coffee right. Nailed it. 


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16/09/2015
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General Nonsense

I’m not sure how much my life has been measurably improved by being permanently plugged in to the internet. It annoys me as much as it enriches my life. Take the tyranny of the Facebook ‘like’ button, for example. It’s a minefield of etiquette. I’m usually too lazy to like much; sometimes I read stuff […]


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23/07/2015
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Blog Post Graphic

TiBloPoDaJa – 1/31

Gratitude Memory lane

This will be a two blog post day. I’m going to try to post a blog a day for a month, hence the catchy acronymic title of this blog post – TiBloPoDaJa  – Tigerbaps Blog Post a Day in January.  This then is blog post number 1 which I should’ve posted yesterday. I’ll post one […]


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02/01/2018
Gratitude, Memory lane
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General Nonsense

Well I’ve been full of angry this week. I’m very much over bloody airports and their bloody rules. They’re deliberately designed to stress out the weary traveller. There’s nowt glamorous about flying any more. Before anyone starts with the “oh yes but we need to be vigilant and prevent terrorism blah blah blah” I KNOW […]


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06/11/2015
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Started this last night. Makes no sense now because I mention times. 

General Nonsense

I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place today.  I jumped into an unfamiliar car (not illegally – I wasn’t joyriding – I’m fifty odd you know – and you don’t need to get bogged down with the detail. Suffice to say it was a car with which I was not familiar […]


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02/04/2015
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Retraction

General Nonsense

Oh Christ. No idea why WordPress just published a dull sentence about my chicken. Move along. Nothing to see here. Just me, being a tit. I’ve deleted the rogue post. Ugh. 


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02/08/2015
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Tuesday with shoddy grammar. 

General Nonsense

Yesterday was a funny old day. I’m glad it’s over. Maybe now I can get back to what passes as normality in my stupid heid. Despite being all the tired in the world and falling asleep to the opening bars of the Desert Island Discs theme tune I’m still not sleeping properly; waking up at […]


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31/03/2015
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Dreading the thing. 

General Nonsense

No matter how much you’re dreading a thing, it’ll soon pass. That’s as true as death and taxes. (Unless it’s like a reaaaaally long prison sentence or having someone talk you through their holiday snaps – then time drags like buggery and sometimes even goes into reverse).  You might be wondering why I’ve gone all […]


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19/08/2015
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Enigmatic with popcorn. 

General Nonsense Memory lane Mrs Tigerbaps Things that piss me off

Celeb Big Brother is some crazyarse piece of work this time round, if you’re watching it. I’m not really watching it but catch the odd wee five minutes while channel surfing. There’s a particularly odious big blonde gobshite who seems to very much enjoy “being honest wiv ya babe” and wearing sunglasses and coats indoors. […]


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19/01/2016
General Nonsense, Memory lane, Mrs Tigerbaps, Things that piss me off
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It’s not me; it’s YouView. 

General Nonsense Memory lane Things that piss me off

No bloggings have been forthcoming from my brain this week. My creative juices have clearly dried up. Bloody menopause. (That’s an oxymoron innit?) I had a quietish weekend last weekend (blighted with the lurgy and the broken toe)  which, although not entirely unwelcome, meant that the life admin (I can’t use the word clusterf*ck any […]


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17/10/2015
General Nonsense, Memory lane, Things that piss me off
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General Nonsense

Do you ever reflect on a social situation and think “Fuck! I behaved like Homer Simpson in that episode where Marge and Homer hosted a dinner party and he got really drunk and wore a lampshade on his head and ogled Maude Flander’s cleavage”? Well I do. Most of the time. And it’s not always […]


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09/08/2015
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General Nonsense

I’m at an awkward age, what with the mood swings, the insomnia, the drying up of orifices, the noises I make when getting up, sitting down, bending, the stress incontinence, the hot flushes, the redistribution of fat in stupid places, the nana-brain, the forgetting of words for things, the crabbitness, the tiredness, the lusting after […]


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22/04/2015
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Saturday and I hope the window cleaner isn’t judging me by the state of my bedroom.

General Nonsense

It’s been a busy old week. No time for blogging, it seems. Having fought the week-long urge to apply nail polish remover to aforementioned itchy tattoo; I managed to bumble along and survive the week relatively unscathed and  unrumbled as the incompetent buffoon that I am (well it’s more of a galumph in these new shoes really. They really are my most favourite shoes ever in […]


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31/01/2015
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General Nonsense

On a recent road trip round the canals of Glasgow – pre the Mrs Baps’ Glexit – we found ourselves for a complex set of reasons (ie we were starving and didn’t fancy a McDonald’s and there was nowhere else to get food except Frankie and Benny’s and we all know how crap that is) we […]


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29/06/2016
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Because it’s there. 

General Nonsense

So I went to see Everest in 3D last night. Because it was there. At the cinema, in case clarification is required: I didn’t schlep to the foothills of the Himalayas after work yesterday, and certainly not with these inappropriately shod feet. The fact that I went to the pictures at all is an achievement […]


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19/09/2015
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Mom jeans and Hippety Hoppety Hoo.

General Nonsense

I have feck all to wear. I have stuff to wear at work and I have stuff to wear to bed and that’s it. I have nothing to wear that isn’t for those occasions. I might as well be in prison – at least I’d have a uniform and unbridled downtime. I sometimes childishly wish there […]


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08/06/2015
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There’s aaaa plaaaace for uuuuus…

General Nonsense Memory lane Things that piss me off

Forgive me for speaking kinda ill of the dead, but I have lived my fifty odd years thinking Leonard Cohen was Leonard Bernstein.  I can’t explain this. I have literally no awareness of L Cohen’s oeuvre,  except for that Hallelujah dirge that every X Factor contestant in the world has covered, most of which were […]


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12/11/2016
General Nonsense, Memory lane, Things that piss me off
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That time I was a nun. 

General Nonsense

Obviously it’s sad and everything that Geraldine McEwan’s dead but it does afford me yet another opportunity to mention my acting role along side her in the Magdalene Sisters. (Is alongside one word or two?). I say “acting” role but it was more of an “eating” role as I was made to eat an actual […]


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31/01/2015
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Chufties. 

General Nonsense

(This post is all out of sync. I’m now at home reclining in my boudoir in the Bet Lynch Primark dressing gown. But read on…) 530pm. I’m between weddings. By which I mean I’ve just performed a wedding ceremony and am about to perform another – my fifth of the day. Would you believe me […]


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03/06/2015
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dramarama 

General Nonsense

After a long, tiring day I’m reclining in my boudoir plittering with my phone when I should be tidying the floordrobe and halfheartedly washing the dishes.  It’s been a dramarama of a few days, the details of which are generally not fit for public consumption but include a bizarre episode in A&E on Saturday evening […]


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03/03/2015
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Bloggy McBlogface. 

General Nonsense

God I’m so over that whole Boaty McBoatface thing.  Well well. We meet again.  This blog is all over the place, time wise. Don’t try to follow it in a linear fashion. Just embrace the chaos.  I confess I was scared to log in to WordPress after all this time. It’s been so long since […]


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25/03/2016
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In the beginning.

General Nonsense

I’ve decided to blog. The first few posts will be lazily fashioned Frankensteins’ monsters of all the old toot I’ve posted on Facebook over the years. Not the “watching Big Brother” or “eating toast” ones – no no no – I’ll only publish the ones that’ve proved to be popular with the populace; a phrase […]


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11/01/2015
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General Nonsense

I’ve had a hebdomas horribilis. Two or three, in actual fact.  I haven’t even managed to blurt out a blog, due to the hurly-burly of work, rest and play.  Having spent a marvellous few days in Paris, I returned home full of hope and joie de vivre, which quickly turned to joie de vomiting bug, unfortunately. […]


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16/06/2015
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A rootle through my drawers

General Nonsense

My sleep pattern is all topsyturvy again. I suspect I’d’ve slept through the night if it hadn’t been for Tucker dramatically and noisily trying to burrow under the duvet with his comedy cone of shame at 2am. So here I am, blogging like an idiot.  I lay there in the dark for ten minutes wondering […]


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12/04/2015
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Pasta. 

General Nonsense

Pasta’s a cruel mistress. You’re eating away thinking “god I’m so hungry I could eat this forever. I just can’t seem to get full. I wish this pasta would never end. After this I’ll swing by the Pammy cafe and grab a chip roll and a family bag o’ Skittles”.  Five minutes later you’re lying […]


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07/02/2015
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End of year roundup. 

General Nonsense

Went aurora hunting. Freezing. No aurora. Stars lovely. Came back. Ate two crackers. Indulged in moderate self loathing. Donned nightie. Fired up Kindle. Got distracted. Fired up Amazon. Got distracted. Fired up Instagram. Got distracted. Fired up Facebook. Got distracted.  Mulled over some new hypochondria for 2016 eg borderline personality disorder.  Harboured neggy thoughts about […]


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31/12/2015
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Lucid dreaming chips and Krystle Carrington. 

General Nonsense

I’ve struggled this week blogwise. I’m blaming the lack of wheat and the effect of that on my mental state (flibbertigibetty and questionable at the best of times) and faculties. There’s no reason why I’ve stopped eating wheat except that I’m clutching at straws to shift this baby weight, which has been hanging around for […]


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18/02/2015
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Flying visit. 

General Nonsense

Hello! I just dropped in to tell you about the alternative bucket list I’ve started. It’s not exhaustive and is very much a work in progress.  Must dash – I’ve just necked a Sleepeaze and feel it working its magic already.  My bucket/ fucket list.  Roll naked on wet grass, while laughing like a drain.  […]


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26/05/2015
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Tearing off tights with my teeth. 

General Nonsense

The title of this post, for the uneducated, is a line from Faithless Insomnia; just for clarification. I haven’t gone completely bonkers! (I hate the word bonkers. I also hate the word boogie and most words that end in -sh. I don’t like the way my mouth feels when I say words ending in -sh) […]


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20/03/2015
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General Nonsense

Oooooo you are awful… Eh hello? Last blog post refers, in which I urged you to remind me to put the bin out. You didn’t. I’m not best pleased. You had one job… I’ve been awake every bloody hour,  in a puddle of menopausal night sweats (and possibly French Martini sweats but you can’t prove […]


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17/05/2015
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Contains swears in the middle. 

General Nonsense

I’ve a free weekend for the first time since about 1978. I’m quite excited about the prospect of a whole Sunday of nowhere to be and nobody to have to talk to (that’s not an invitation for my phone to ring off the bloody hook thank you).  I’ve no work to be at, no social […]


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29/11/2015
General Nonsense
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Emergency!

General Nonsense

I finally took my wee toe to A&E. Here I sit, waiting to be seen, resisting the urge to “check in” on Facebook with a vague attention seeking status update like “oh don’t worry about me guys, I’m just at ACCIDENT AND EMERGENCY with my SUSPECTED BROKEN PINKIE TOE” which would hopefully – nay inevitably […]


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06/10/2015
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General Nonsense

I’m practicing writing 1500 words. I’ve a load of assessments coming up that require the blurting out of upwards of 1500 words. I’m out of practice y’see. I seem to hit 500 words and dry up. Actually I think I get bored rather than dry up, and think “Och that’ll dae”. That may well be […]


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17/04/2016
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Like Mariah, I don’t do stairs.

Uncategorized

Here we go with blog number 2 of TiBloPoDaJa.  I stupidly started drafting this blog post on the Notes app on my phone at 7am on Saturday. Unfortunately the same phone is now running an update which will take about forty earth hours and all because of emoji envy. I didn’t have a pie emoji […]


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02/01/2018
Uncategorized
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Health update because I’ve nothing else meaningful to say LALALALA. 

General Nonsense

Well that was an interesting 48 hours. How to lose half a stone and burn off the lining of your throat so you sound like you’ve smoked sixty fags a day and not just the odd fagatthebackdoor without really trying.  I did somehow summon up the energy to forage for nursery food at the Big […]


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15/06/2015
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General Nonsense

I’ve had ALL the hairstyles, me. ALL. I’ve had a Bo Derek, a Farrah Fawcett, a Purdie, a Rachel-off-Friends, a Debbie Harry, and that one time, an experimental Phil Oakey that made me look like I was constantly walking at 45 degrees to the pavement. I don’t know why I tried that; I hate asymmetry. […]


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24/04/2015
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Half-arsed TV critic. 

General Nonsense

I’ve started watching stuff on Amazon Prime at last. Found Transparent Seasons 1 and 2 to be particularly enjoyable and practically perfect in every way and can thoroughly recommend same.  I proclaimed loudly to Mrs ‘Baps as we lounged in bed binge-watching Season 2 that it was possibly the best tv I’d ever laid eyes […]


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21/01/2016
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Tightstober. 

General Nonsense

Never mind your Stoptober. Those French Martinis won’t drink themselves you know. No it’s not Stoptober in this house.  Tomorrow ushers in Tightstober. The first official day of tights. I’ll be rocking the triple gusset from now till May. Sad times.  It’s also that time of year where, because I like to wander round the […]


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30/09/2015
General Nonsense
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Is it only Tuesday?

General Nonsense

Oh god it’s all kicking off in the Celeb Big Brother house. Alicia’s been hiding bananas and that’s not a euphemism. She’s crying as we speak. About the banana hiding I assume. I turned Big Brother on by accident. That’s not a weird euphemism either.  So today happened. So that’s good, innit? Lucky to have […]


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13/01/2015
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General Nonsense

My latest Facebook status, thus:   has made me take stock of all the time I waste on nonsense and frivolity. 


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18/04/2015
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We’re all Jocky Wilson’s bairns. 

General Nonsense

   Guys, guys, guys… I’ve seen and heard some crazy shit spouted these past few days. Sympathy and desire to help isn’t mutually exclusive. We can feel empathy and solidarity with more than one cause at a time. We’re just human beings on an insignificant lump of rock circling an insignificant star. Above all though […]


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05/09/2015
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Three little things…

General Nonsense

In a (probably vain) attempt to adopt a more positive attitude to life and shit, I decided to force myself to do the three things I’m grateful for daily thingummy. Or should that read three things for which I’m grateful, daily?  Whatever the syntax, it’s been proven, possibly by some tryhard boffin who secured a squillion Euro […]


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25/09/2015
General Nonsense
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Amy

General Nonsense

Saw Amy on Friday night. The film about Amy Winehouse, that is. It’s up to you whether you can be arsed reading this, lest there be spoilers, but unless you’ve been on a ten year retreat, meditating cross legged in a cave, you’re not exactly likely to learn anything new by reading this. It’s not […]


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04/07/2015
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Wednesday. Well it can shit off. 

General Nonsense

Woke up this morning full of fury-by-proxy so decided to shake it off and approach Wednesday with a positive mental attitude.  I’m ending it with pizza induced heartburn straight from the bowels of HELL and a massive sad about elephants. (See Storyville: Circus Elephant Rampage, BBC Four).  Good things about Wednesday: *tumbleweed* Rubbish things about […]


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22/07/2015
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Barrel scrapings. 

General Nonsense

Don’t bother reading this. It reeks of desperation and barrel scraping. Not much to report today. Busy day in gainful employment so let’s all thank The Lord Harry for that, as an ex mother-in-law was wont to say, which made my eyeballs swivel all the way to the back of my head in crabbitness.  Had […]


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20/01/2015
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Ding dong the bells are gonna chiiiiime…

General Nonsense

So Hannah and Ross get married TOMORROW! I can hardly believe it’s here already. It’s a very exciting and happy family occasion and a chance to dress up like a flea hook as my mother used to say – which I’m guessing is a reference to fishing flies but may of course be wrong. She […]


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28/12/2015
General Nonsense
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Sunday confessional. 

General Nonsense

I really wish I hadn’t told the story today about that time I blurted “Aww you’re a handsome big boy, aren’t you!” when I bumped into a friend with her son whom I’d never met before, then later realising it was in fact her older, married brother, which accounted for the bemused looks. The situation […]


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05/07/2015
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Lists. Numbered. Kinda. 

General Nonsense

Things I don’t get: “Crumbed” ham. At no point ever in my life have I a) witnessed the following exchange: Customer: “I’d like a ham sandwich please” Waiter: “Certainly sir, coming right up” Customer: “Oh wait – I want the ham with the weird sludgy yellow shit round the outside” Waiter: “Ah sorry sir we’re […]


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17/09/2015
General Nonsense
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Skanky nail polish and Kelpie chat. 

General Nonsense

I started writing this on Saturday morning and the quiet weekend ended up being not very quiet after all. I’m not changing it, so you’ll just have to suspend disbelief and read it. Accept it for what it is, as it were. I’m sure you’ve better things to be doing on a Sunday evening anyway. […]


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24/01/2015
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Tigerbaps’ Ten T’internet Tips. 

General Nonsense

1. Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet – especially if you’re consulting Dr Google. You probably don’t have cholera or consumption.  2. One is not, as far as I’m aware, required by law to like or comment on every single bloody Facebook post or wish every bugger happy birthday. Nor is it a […]


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04/08/2016
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More things I’m sick of: festive edition. 

General Nonsense

Part Two: That bloody elf thing. Where’s the bloody elf or whatever the shit it’s called. NOBODY BLADDY CARES. Who started this nonsense? Any referral to sparkling wine as “bubbly”.  This effing diet.  Security questions on websites. Fuck! Chummy “live chat” with customer advisers where you go round in bloody circles getting nowhere and get […]


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15/12/2015
General Nonsense
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Poncy tea and the drive-by teabagging. 

General Nonsense

There’s a bewildering array of teas in Tesco these days. I’d occasion to replace some weirdarse tea inadvertently consumed by the Dutch visitors last week which wasn’t actually mine for the consumption. Oops. So off to Tesco, sans carrier bag as usual, despite the million carrier bags assuming the stress position in the kitchen rummage […]


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24/02/2015
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Tuesday roundup. Not spellchecked. Sorry. 

General Nonsense

 Tuesday: my lunchtime Post Office queue* induced fury was offset by the euphoria of being able to touch-type lackadaisical in an email without any errors, and the miracle of my metabolism having somehow managed to convince my body to shed a pound over the festive season, despite rollercoaster dieting which lurched between living on dust […]


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12/01/2016
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General Nonsense

“Something terrible has happened to our speaker and we need you to go on stage right now and deliver this presentation to that audience of 300” If the above scenario actually happened my anxiety level would be at about 2 on the shittingmyself-ometer (which goes from 1 to 10). Sure, I’d bumble and stumble and […]


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07/02/2016
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General Nonsense

I’ve literally worn my eyes out. Well not literally literally but I’ve worn them out. After the great “Spending of the ill-gotten gains of 2012” which included buying an impractical but cute car, a cruise, and the famous bionic eye surgery, 


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27/08/2015
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Drowning in a sea of clutter. 

General Nonsense

I read an article about decluttering by some smartarse Japanese bird this morning. Well, I say I read it, I sort of skimmed it. Skimmed it and saved it for future reading. I don’t know why I didn’t just read it there and then, but my life’s full of saved links for future reading, unread books, […]


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08/07/2015
General Nonsense
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I wish I had a spiraliser

General Nonsense

Yes I’m back on the subject of wishing and yes I’m wishing for a spiraliser. What of it? There’s always room for another gadget in the house of profligacy. I read an article about spiralisers in a Sunday Supplement (on Sunday, funnily enough) and at first made that face – the one I usually make […]


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17/05/2015
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General Nonsense

In less than three weeks’ time I’ll marry my daughter. No it’s not what you’re thinking; I’ve done some random stuff in my colourful life but this time it’s not what it sounds like – I’m performing the ceremony, you big stupid.  To say I’m excited is an understatement.  What a bloody privilege! But I […]


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10/12/2015
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FOBO. 

General Nonsense

Coupled with my crippling fear of dropping my car keys down a drain, (I might just pop them down a drain one of these days just to get the ensuing bloody drama over with since, according to Susan Jeffers way back in 1987 we’re all supposed to Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway, although […]


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30/07/2015
General Nonsense
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Vouchers Shmouchers. 

General Nonsense

Remember this earlier blog post and the whole Tesco Clubcard Voucher kerfuffle? Well I’m relieved to report that the vouchers have FINALLY been spent in the right establishment.  We went to Carlisle today to look at some architecture


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26/11/2016
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Complimenth of the Theathon

General Nonsense Uncategorized

It’s been well documented round these parts that I’ve a hypersensitive gag reflex. This has been tested to its absolute limits this week since my mouth became host to a foreign object in the shape of my very first denture. Talk about gag! And what a bloody palaver trying to keep it in! I’ve sooked […]


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20/12/2017
General Nonsense, Uncategorized
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Started this last night. Makes no sense now because I mention times. 

General Nonsense

I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place today.  I jumped into an unfamiliar car (not illegally – I wasn’t joyriding – I’m fifty odd you know – and you don’t need to get bogged down with the detail. Suffice to say it was a car with which I was not familiar […]


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02/04/2015
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It’s hot, innit?

General Nonsense

I’ve the fan on. It’s so bloody hot! I was asked if I had a bucket list at the weekend.  I couldn’t remember if I did – or if I did have one I’ve forgotten what was on it. The only thing that blurts forth from my mouth when asked about a bucket list is […]


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07/06/2016
General Nonsense
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Sick note. 

General Nonsense

Would you bloody believe it? Last day of a week’s holiday and I get a mystery – not to mention unattractive – sickness bug at 2am Sunday. You couldn’t make it up. I’m very pissed off now that I can move my head to pick up my phone and moan about it.  Regular Facebook inspections […]


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14/06/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

As weekends go that last one was a 10/10. Except the end bit, which I shall simply gloss over, as, at time of tippy tapping this post on my phone whilst the Supremes trill “STOP! In the name of looooove” (I’m avoiding idle chat by scowling at my phone, earphones in) the weekend end bit, […]


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15/03/2015
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Contains swears in the middle. 

General Nonsense

I’ve a free weekend for the first time since about 1978. I’m quite excited about the prospect of a whole Sunday of nowhere to be and nobody to have to talk to (that’s not an invitation for my phone to ring off the bloody hook thank you).  I’ve no work to be at, no social […]


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29/11/2015
General Nonsense
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Arctic Tundra and Bri Nylon

General Nonsense

I’ve got some weird permafrost action going on on my front garden. (Totally sounds like a euphemism,  but isn’t, yet is, in fact, strangely fitting as a euphemism). In scenes reminiscent of the “Big Snow of ’96”, the “Big Snow of Last Week”  has left my front garden and associated driveway like the arctic tundra. […]


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06/02/2015
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Title? Oh I don’t know. Friday?

General Nonsense

People (one person) often ask if this blog has a theme. Haha! Eh naw. There can be various threads and intertwining themes in one post, of which this is a prime example. Read on, and marvel at the clever seamless segueing from one theme to another. Actually that’s a lie; it’s more of a CLANNNGGG […]


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23/01/2015
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Spider update

General Nonsense

Aforementioned exotic looking spider in post box appears to have died. It could be faking it. All the news, as it happens, right here.  While I’m on, I’m a fan of the foam shrimp. I’ve never really grown up, confectionery-wise. I purchased a packet today in M&S for 70p and cracked them open on the […]


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08/04/2015
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General Nonsense

My friend Lynn posted a status update on Facebook about lateness and how it’s hard wired into some people’s brains. I don’t have the lateness gene; I need to breathe into a brown paper bag/be slapped out of the screaming abdabs if I’m behind (my self-imposed) schedule. Lateness drives me nuts. 


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03/07/2015
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General Nonsense

I was in the throes of kitchen cupboard tidying but got sidetracked with lying on my bed which has proved to be considerably more enjoyable than kitchen cupboard tidying.  We, as a family, albeit scattered to the winds, are up to our eyes in wedding fever. 


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28/10/2015
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General Nonsense

I’m not sure how much my life has been measurably improved by being permanently plugged in to the internet. It annoys me as much as it enriches my life. Take the tyranny of the Facebook ‘like’ button, for example. It’s a minefield of etiquette. I’m usually too lazy to like much; sometimes I read stuff […]


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23/07/2015
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So I

General Nonsense

dwuering consultant? New career. Cluttering consultant. Free yourself from the tyranny of a tidy house. 


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28/04/2015
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What I did(n’t do) on my holidays. 

General Nonsense

I sat down to bash out a blog post but I’ll be buggered if I can remember what I was going to say. I had something hilarious in my mind earlier while talking to Tucker but it’s gone now. I doubt it would’ve been hilarious anyway. Mildly amusing at best probably.  I’m in a bit […]


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23/07/2016
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

I’ve a pair of black patent size 6 DMs in the back of my car, brand new, in box. Should’ve sent them back but didn’t seem to get round to it. 


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07/02/2015
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General Nonsense

On a recent road trip round the canals of Glasgow – pre the Mrs Baps’ Glexit – we found ourselves for a complex set of reasons (ie we were starving and didn’t fancy a McDonald’s and there was nowhere else to get food except Frankie and Benny’s and we all know how crap that is) we […]


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29/06/2016
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Dreading the thing. 

General Nonsense

No matter how much you’re dreading a thing, it’ll soon pass. That’s as true as death and taxes. (Unless it’s like a reaaaaally long prison sentence or having someone talk you through their holiday snaps – then time drags like buggery and sometimes even goes into reverse).  You might be wondering why I’ve gone all […]


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19/08/2015
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General Nonsense

This whole “sleeping on the other side of the bed” thing isn’t working for me. The other side of the bed’s a foreign country. My bum doesn’t know where to put itself. In the eastern lands or the western lands? Even Tucker’s confused. He’s like “whoa dude can we not just give up and go […]


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25/01/2015
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There’s aaaa plaaaace for uuuuus…

General Nonsense Memory lane Things that piss me off

Forgive me for speaking kinda ill of the dead, but I have lived my fifty odd years thinking Leonard Cohen was Leonard Bernstein.  I can’t explain this. I have literally no awareness of L Cohen’s oeuvre,  except for that Hallelujah dirge that every X Factor contestant in the world has covered, most of which were […]


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12/11/2016
General Nonsense, Memory lane, Things that piss me off
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Sausages are not the only fruit. 

General Nonsense

This blog title popped into my head and paraphrases Jeanette Winterson. It bears no relation to the content of this post other than I casually mention sausages once.  Most of what follows was drafted last weekend, as is customary round these parts.  Well, my parts, to be specific, but please don’t dwell on my parts […]


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14/05/2016
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Half ottoman oooooh. 

General Nonsense New things

I’ve missed the blog. I’ve been kinda busy adulting on another website for the furtherance of my education.  As has been clearly demonstrated throughout my life (I offer no examples – use your imagination or indeed memory) I have zero morals so am more than happy to pimp out my efforts here in an attempt to […]


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05/11/2016
General Nonsense, New things
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A rootle through my drawers

General Nonsense

My sleep pattern is all topsyturvy again. I suspect I’d’ve slept through the night if it hadn’t been for Tucker dramatically and noisily trying to burrow under the duvet with his comedy cone of shame at 2am. So here I am, blogging like an idiot.  I lay there in the dark for ten minutes wondering […]


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12/04/2015
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It’s not all about Pufflings. 

General Nonsense

Finally! Managed to upload all 3000 pics from my iPhone to iCloud which optimised the space on the iPhone which in turn allowed me to update the software to iOSwhatever and now I can’t remember why I was so desperate to get iOSwhatever in the first place. I probably just had iOS envy. I think […]


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12/07/2015
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A serious post, sorry. 

General Nonsense

http://www.purpleclover.com/relationships/875-what-dying-want-us-know-about-living/ In an unusual turn of events, this is a wee serious Sunday night post, so don’t read it if you’re feeling a bit Sundaynighty and gloomy.  I read the article in the link above. I read stuff like that all the time and think – yep – I really need to be more in […]


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08/03/2015
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Belated Birthday greetings, Ryan!

General Nonsense

i almost forgot!  I was in Nona Lou’s yesterday (eating gluten free toast, having decided after a pastry induced episode of bloat that I was wheat intolerant. Yes, it appears I’ve become one of those annoying people who say “ooooh I can’t tolerate wheat, it bloats me, I’ll just have some waffer thin ham”. I […]


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17/04/2015
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General Nonsense

I’m at an awkward age, what with the mood swings, the insomnia, the drying up of orifices, the noises I make when getting up, sitting down, bending, the stress incontinence, the hot flushes, the redistribution of fat in stupid places, the nana-brain, the forgetting of words for things, the crabbitness, the tiredness, the lusting after […]


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22/04/2015
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Like Mariah, I don’t do stairs.

Uncategorized

Here we go with blog number 2 of TiBloPoDaJa.  I stupidly started drafting this blog post on the Notes app on my phone at 7am on Saturday. Unfortunately the same phone is now running an update which will take about forty earth hours and all because of emoji envy. I didn’t have a pie emoji […]


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02/01/2018
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General Nonsense

I’ve been on the hunt for just the right bag for the last decade. Can I find the right box ticker? Can I buggery.  Boxes that require ticking include: Must be reassuringly expensive, like Stella Artois or Ferrero Rocher or whatever fecking advert had that as the slogan.  Must not have ridiculous chinkly chankly brasswork […]


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16/02/2015
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Blog Post Graphic

TiBloPoDaJa – 1/31

Gratitude Memory lane

This will be a two blog post day. I’m going to try to post a blog a day for a month, hence the catchy acronymic title of this blog post – TiBloPoDaJa  – Tigerbaps Blog Post a Day in January.  This then is blog post number 1 which I should’ve posted yesterday. I’ll post one […]


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02/01/2018
Gratitude, Memory lane
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Lucid dreaming chips and Krystle Carrington. 

General Nonsense

I’ve struggled this week blogwise. I’m blaming the lack of wheat and the effect of that on my mental state (flibbertigibetty and questionable at the best of times) and faculties. There’s no reason why I’ve stopped eating wheat except that I’m clutching at straws to shift this baby weight, which has been hanging around for […]


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18/02/2015
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Chufties. 

General Nonsense

(This post is all out of sync. I’m now at home reclining in my boudoir in the Bet Lynch Primark dressing gown. But read on…) 530pm. I’m between weddings. By which I mean I’ve just performed a wedding ceremony and am about to perform another – my fifth of the day. Would you believe me […]


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03/06/2015
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General Nonsense

Along with half the population of the planet I decided to get up at 3am to witness the lunar fabulousness. As I stood there, in my Bet Lynch leopard print dressing gown and bare feet (I really like to feel in touch with the earth, y’know? It’s so grounding*) scowling up at the eclipsed moon, […]


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28/09/2015
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Just get the fuck on with it.

General Nonsense

I’ve done it again. I abandoned the blog for months and expect you still to be here when I come slithering back, seeking your approval. I have 44 YES FORTY FOUR draft blog posts on the go, full of funny things and anecdotes and embellished stories that will sadly never see the light of day. […]


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25/01/2017
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It’s not me; it’s YouView. 

General Nonsense Memory lane Things that piss me off

No bloggings have been forthcoming from my brain this week. My creative juices have clearly dried up. Bloody menopause. (That’s an oxymoron innit?) I had a quietish weekend last weekend (blighted with the lurgy and the broken toe)  which, although not entirely unwelcome, meant that the life admin (I can’t use the word clusterf*ck any […]


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17/10/2015
General Nonsense, Memory lane, Things that piss me off
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We’re all Jocky Wilson’s bairns. 

General Nonsense

   Guys, guys, guys… I’ve seen and heard some crazy shit spouted these past few days. Sympathy and desire to help isn’t mutually exclusive. We can feel empathy and solidarity with more than one cause at a time. We’re just human beings on an insignificant lump of rock circling an insignificant star. Above all though […]


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05/09/2015
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Tearing off tights with my teeth. 

General Nonsense

The title of this post, for the uneducated, is a line from Faithless Insomnia; just for clarification. I haven’t gone completely bonkers! (I hate the word bonkers. I also hate the word boogie and most words that end in -sh. I don’t like the way my mouth feels when I say words ending in -sh) […]


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20/03/2015
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The clusterfuck of life admin, revisited. 

General Nonsense

It’s been Procrastination City Arizona here this week, hence the “old newsy” feel of this post – I started it yesterday when my cup overflowed-eth with good humour. Today I could drop-kick Bambi into next week and not give a shit. So here, for what it’s worth, which is shit-all really, is yesterday’s shitty news: […]


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24/02/2015
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Rollerblading on beaches. 

General Nonsense

Hello! I’ve just popped in to say I’ve got loads of blog posts in draft form again, waiting to be polished up and floated off into the sea of Tigerbaps as I salute them bravely on their way.  Sorry about the weird analogy above – I just kinda ran with it. In my defence I’m […]


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30/01/2016
General Nonsense
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AWOL

General Nonsense

I’ve neglected the blog again, haven’t I? I’ve too much on! I’ve too many demands ‘ponst my time and I’ve nowt to say, it seems.  I can’t think of a thing to report so I prostrate myself before you with the following metaphorical sacrificial lamb of a blog: I’ve finally started Mad Men on Amazon […]


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16/04/2016
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dramarama 

General Nonsense

After a long, tiring day I’m reclining in my boudoir plittering with my phone when I should be tidying the floordrobe and halfheartedly washing the dishes.  It’s been a dramarama of a few days, the details of which are generally not fit for public consumption but include a bizarre episode in A&E on Saturday evening […]


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03/03/2015
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The future, foretold. 

General Nonsense

My top ten predictions for 2016: Compulsory organ donations for anyone sharing “Free £50 Tesco vouchers” on Facebook. They don’t need their brains so we’ll harvest them first, although Christ knows what we’ll do with them.  The beard thing will FINALLY be over. All the dudes with carefully cultivated hipster beards will be forced to […]


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27/12/2015
General Nonsense
3 Comments

Retraction

General Nonsense

Oh Christ. No idea why WordPress just published a dull sentence about my chicken. Move along. Nothing to see here. Just me, being a tit. I’ve deleted the rogue post. Ugh. 


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02/08/2015
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General Nonsense

I’ve grown very intolerant as I’ve aged. I’ve always been crabbit (noun: Scots – grumpy/quick tempered with face like a cat’s arse) but thought I’d plateaued.  I’m just naturally a grumpy person I guess. It’s my default mood. Oh I’m nice sometimes but it drains all my energy.  Homo Sapiens as a species can be […]


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10/01/2016
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Ding dong the bells are gonna chiiiiime…

General Nonsense

So Hannah and Ross get married TOMORROW! I can hardly believe it’s here already. It’s a very exciting and happy family occasion and a chance to dress up like a flea hook as my mother used to say – which I’m guessing is a reference to fishing flies but may of course be wrong. She […]


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28/12/2015
General Nonsense
6 Comments

No, don’t argue, I’m DEFINITELY leaving Facebook. 

General Nonsense

Theres something a bit poetic about this week. Something a bit Four Weddings and a Funeral-ly about it.  By Monday I’ll have shadowed three weddings, actually married a real life couple (my very first one. I’ll never forget their full names and dates of birth – I practice-married them using stand-ins about a million times) […]


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29/03/2015
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Redrum

General Nonsense

I love a Kubrick film. There’s nothing finer. I especially love the Shining. This is one of my favourite scenes, so it is. I’d love to come home after a hard day erm…doing that thing I do that passes for work – to my own personal cocktail waiter with a fully stocked cocktail bar, complete […]


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17/05/2015
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General Nonsense

It’s been a funny old weekend. My hair has refused to play ball and it really affects my mood. I don’t think the Glasgow water agrees with it. It turns it Worzel Gummidgey. It’s on its last warning. Any more of this nonsense and it’s getting cut like a boy’s. 


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01/06/2015
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Today’s featured image, for no good reason, is a battered sausage. 

General Nonsense

Well, well. Things turned a bit maudlin there, didn’t they? Not even a whiff or a mention of a vagina. I blame the weekend excesses. Alcohol wreaks havoc with my chi and makes me a bit melancholy. Still, enjoyable at the time, so that’s what matters eh?  Feeling much better today, which on the surface […]


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10/03/2015
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In the beginning.

General Nonsense

I’ve decided to blog. The first few posts will be lazily fashioned Frankensteins’ monsters of all the old toot I’ve posted on Facebook over the years. Not the “watching Big Brother” or “eating toast” ones – no no no – I’ll only publish the ones that’ve proved to be popular with the populace; a phrase […]


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11/01/2015
General Nonsense
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Over-commitment 

General Nonsense

Due to over-commitment of my non-work time, this seems to be the only time of day at the moment I’m able to answer messages, reply to emails, make plans, or think about hard things. So hello, everybody, and if you’re waiting for a reply from me about anything then it might be coming right up.(it […]


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11/11/2015
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Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi 

General Nonsense

I’m entering a competition to write a column for a magazine despite the fact that: A) I have no idea what to write and very much doubt that words like vagina, fuck and shit would be either printworthy or acceptable. B) The minute I’m required to do something it stops being fun (except possibly being […]


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10/05/2015
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One is a lovely number

General Nonsense

Did you watch the Age of Loneliness on BBC2? I caught it on iPlayer after a weekend of binge-watching Making a Murderer which – boy oh boy – is a whole ‘nother story.  The Fabulous one and I built a duvet nest in the living room on Friday night in anticipation of a weekend Netflix […]


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12/01/2016
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Is it only Tuesday?

General Nonsense

Oh god it’s all kicking off in the Celeb Big Brother house. Alicia’s been hiding bananas and that’s not a euphemism. She’s crying as we speak. About the banana hiding I assume. I turned Big Brother on by accident. That’s not a weird euphemism either.  So today happened. So that’s good, innit? Lucky to have […]


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13/01/2015
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Poncy tea and the drive-by teabagging. 

General Nonsense

There’s a bewildering array of teas in Tesco these days. I’d occasion to replace some weirdarse tea inadvertently consumed by the Dutch visitors last week which wasn’t actually mine for the consumption. Oops. So off to Tesco, sans carrier bag as usual, despite the million carrier bags assuming the stress position in the kitchen rummage […]


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24/02/2015
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Tigerbaps’ Ten T’internet Tips. 

General Nonsense

1. Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet – especially if you’re consulting Dr Google. You probably don’t have cholera or consumption.  2. One is not, as far as I’m aware, required by law to like or comment on every single bloody Facebook post or wish every bugger happy birthday. Nor is it a […]


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04/08/2016
General Nonsense
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I’m so tired…

General Nonsense

So awfully tired… This latest awful incident has, as usual, brought out the best and worst of social media. I’ve considered packing it all in (social media; not life – I know I’m a drama queen but even I have limits) several times over the past few days but I’d miss the fun times. I’m […]


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17/11/2015
General Nonsense
1 Comment

My 

General Nonsense

my default mood is moany. I know I’m doing it. I just can’t stop myself doing it. Three things.  Pain pullulate.  Make this face.  Coffee right. Nailed it. 


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16/09/2015
General Nonsense
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The Millstone

General Nonsense

Only Day 3 of TiBloPoDaJa and it’s already all gone to shit. It’s 9:15pm and I just woke up from an accidental nap that started at 7pm during part 2 of a Joan Crawford/Bette Davis bingefest and I haven’t even started to think about what to blog about. Methinks my bold claims for TiBloPoDaJa were […]


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03/01/2018
General Nonsense
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Comets and matching crockery. 

General Nonsense

This post isn’t really about comets.  I’m struggling to type this. Not because it’s a difficult subject matter, but because I liberally applied Clarin’s Haute Exigence Nuit Super Restorative Night Cream all over my parched face last night and it’s in my eyes. Everything looks like Doris Day – all dreamy and soft focus.  I […]


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19/12/2015
General Nonsense
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Flying visit. 

General Nonsense

Hello! I just dropped in to tell you about the alternative bucket list I’ve started. It’s not exhaustive and is very much a work in progress.  Must dash – I’ve just necked a Sleepeaze and feel it working its magic already.  My bucket/ fucket list.  Roll naked on wet grass, while laughing like a drain.  […]


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26/05/2015
General Nonsense
3 Comments

General Nonsense

I managed not to shout COCK during the ceremony yesterday. Other things I managed not to do were cry. 


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30/12/2015
General Nonsense
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Why everyone should commit an imprisonable offence sometime in their lives

Uncategorized

You may be wondering about the title of this post. Well, allow me to elucidate. I’m currently in the throes of improving myself. Tigerbaps 6.0 if you will. This rolling programme of improvements is kicking off with learning to write ‘copy’ whatever that is. Is this copy? It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like […]


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15/02/2018
Uncategorized
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Enigmatic with popcorn. 

General Nonsense Memory lane Mrs Tigerbaps Things that piss me off

Celeb Big Brother is some crazyarse piece of work this time round, if you’re watching it. I’m not really watching it but catch the odd wee five minutes while channel surfing. There’s a particularly odious big blonde gobshite who seems to very much enjoy “being honest wiv ya babe” and wearing sunglasses and coats indoors. […]


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19/01/2016
General Nonsense, Memory lane, Mrs Tigerbaps, Things that piss me off
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Fauxfee and free-climbing.

General Nonsense

It doesn’t take much to ruin my day. Yesterday, in my quest to shop local, I thought I’d patronise a local independent takeaway and purchase a cappuccino. I can only ever order cappuccino in the mornings, ever mindful that in Italy I’d be scorned for ordering such a thing at any other time of the […]


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16/01/2015
General Nonsense
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Boring Maritime Status Updates from 2012 – A Retrospective

General Nonsense

What follows is a mashup of the BMSUs (Boring Maritime Status Updates) I posted on FB during my cruise in 2012. I travelled alone. Oh yes I did. I’m quite the intrepid traveller you know. These posts seemed funny at the time but on re-reading I think they’re actually a bit shit. Oh yes these […]


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11/01/2015
General Nonsense
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Tightstober. 

General Nonsense

Never mind your Stoptober. Those French Martinis won’t drink themselves you know. No it’s not Stoptober in this house.  Tomorrow ushers in Tightstober. The first official day of tights. I’ll be rocking the triple gusset from now till May. Sad times.  It’s also that time of year where, because I like to wander round the […]


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30/09/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

Could time travel really take place?  I’d like to think in a number of parallel universes where I’ve made  Ih Lindsey it’s all me me me well yes it is coz this is my blog so piss off and get your own if you don’t like hearing about my weirdness. Or go and stand over […]


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11/02/2015
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General Nonsense

I’m bloody knackered. I’m so bloody knackered I could hardly push the wheely bin up the drive tonight as is the usual Thursday night routine, which I loathe with a passion, if you’re at all interested in my domestic minutiae.  I suspect it’s the lack of carbs. It’s been 2 weeks and 2 days since […]


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03/12/2015
General Nonsense
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Twelve monkeys 

General Nonsense

Well I’ve had quite the lovely few days, despite the dental issue earlier in the week which foreshadowed my weekend. Teeth and matters of the mouth have loomed large this past year. I realise I’m not getting any younger but must bits and bobs keep falling off/breaking/letting me down?  The weird antibiotics were like a […]


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01/09/2015
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Wednesday woe. 

General Nonsense

I’m not being funny or anything but as someone who loves a bit of satire I planned my whole week around the new series of W1A which I was led to believe by a certain someone who shall remain nameless LESLEY ROSS was starting tonight as in tonight being Wednesday. Yes no brilliant. I woke […]


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22/04/2015
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Emergency!

General Nonsense

I finally took my wee toe to A&E. Here I sit, waiting to be seen, resisting the urge to “check in” on Facebook with a vague attention seeking status update like “oh don’t worry about me guys, I’m just at ACCIDENT AND EMERGENCY with my SUSPECTED BROKEN PINKIE TOE” which would hopefully – nay inevitably […]


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06/10/2015
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General Nonsense

Well I’ve been full of angry this week. I’m very much over bloody airports and their bloody rules. They’re deliberately designed to stress out the weary traveller. There’s nowt glamorous about flying any more. Before anyone starts with the “oh yes but we need to be vigilant and prevent terrorism blah blah blah” I KNOW […]


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06/11/2015
General Nonsense
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My Day On A Plate. 

General Nonsense

Wake up around 7am. (Unless weekend when it’s 7pm). Consider oven chips with fried egg for breakfast. Realise that’s ludicrous so finish off Chinese from night before. Guddle in floordrobe for cleanish garments.  9am – Bit of housework to keep on top of things. Pick up panty liner stuck to bedroom carpet from Monday. Dust glass […]


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15/01/2015
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Half-arsed TV critic. 

General Nonsense

I’ve started watching stuff on Amazon Prime at last. Found Transparent Seasons 1 and 2 to be particularly enjoyable and practically perfect in every way and can thoroughly recommend same.  I proclaimed loudly to Mrs ‘Baps as we lounged in bed binge-watching Season 2 that it was possibly the best tv I’d ever laid eyes […]


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21/01/2016
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Sunday confessional. 

General Nonsense

I really wish I hadn’t told the story today about that time I blurted “Aww you’re a handsome big boy, aren’t you!” when I bumped into a friend with her son whom I’d never met before, then later realising it was in fact her older, married brother, which accounted for the bemused looks. The situation […]


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05/07/2015
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Lists. Numbered. Kinda. 

General Nonsense

Things I don’t get: “Crumbed” ham. At no point ever in my life have I a) witnessed the following exchange: Customer: “I’d like a ham sandwich please” Waiter: “Certainly sir, coming right up” Customer: “Oh wait – I want the ham with the weird sludgy yellow shit round the outside” Waiter: “Ah sorry sir we’re […]


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17/09/2015
General Nonsense
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It’s all gone to sh*t, as expected…

Uncategorized

I clearly can’t be trusted. TiBloPoDaJa all went to shit as expected. I throw myself at your mercy. Not one blog post was forthcoming from 3rd January onwards. I just had other things to do. Actually that’s a complete lie. I mainly self-loathed during January.  That dark winter January self-loathing won’t self-loathe itself you know.  […]


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13/02/2018
Uncategorized
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3am bonus post: 7 or 9 things you didn’t know about me. 

General Nonsense Insomnia Memes.

That crazy meme is doing the rounds. Here are 7 (or 9) things you didn’t know about me: 1) I just trapped Tucker’s paws in the door during a 3am stagger to the bog. He’s totally overreacting now and is licking his paws dramatically.  2) I ate three tubes of Smarties last night and I’m […]


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24/01/2015
General Nonsense, Insomnia, Memes.
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Happy Birthday ya bard!

General Nonsense

William Shakespeare would have been 400 today – Google tells me so, so it must be true. But he is dead, as nail in door.  I’ve loved Shakespeare since Mr McMillan’s English class and the big LPs he’d handle with his small, allegedly homosexual, hands. And that was before gay was even invented. And that’s […]


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07/05/2016
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When will I be famous, damn you (does that need a question mark?)

General Nonsense

Here’s a round up of news and bits and bobs Stubbed my toe on a bed this week and self diagnosed a broken toe. I didn’t feel I should bother anybody to have it X-Rayd or whatever the past participle of X-Ray is. Apparently there’s not much they do for a broken toe but I […]


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13/09/2015
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Goodbye Bish

General Nonsense

I learned that Twitter and the real world lost one of its finest at the weekend.  Simon Bishop (Bish to everyone who knew him) 


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29/06/2016
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More things I’m sick of: festive edition. 

General Nonsense

Part Two: That bloody elf thing. Where’s the bloody elf or whatever the shit it’s called. NOBODY BLADDY CARES. Who started this nonsense? Any referral to sparkling wine as “bubbly”.  This effing diet.  Security questions on websites. Fuck! Chummy “live chat” with customer advisers where you go round in bloody circles getting nowhere and get […]


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15/12/2015
General Nonsense
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Frailty, thy name is woman, but surely you can forage for a Mint Club?

General Nonsense

Holy shit my chi is all wrong this week and there’s heehaw I seem to be able to do about it. Bloody hormones flippetyflopping about all over the bloody place. I know my attitude’s all wrong and I should be “choosing a positive attitude” or some such shite but I’ve a face like a slapped […]


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28/04/2015
General Nonsense
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Kind of a big deal. 

General Nonsense

When the inevitable happens and I keel over with my leg in the air – because two things in life are certain – death and taxes-  (And the phenomenon of feeling better the morning of a doctor’s appointment, or unexpected visitors *stab stab stab them to death* when you’re mid Netflix binge and a six […]


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07/05/2015
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Panic buying Immac. 

General Nonsense

I love a good drama as much as the next fuckwit, but stop with the amber weather warnings already. Jesus. I’ve worn a hole in the carpet getting up to look out of the window.   Having fought the urge to apply nail polish remover to aforementioned itchy tattoo; I managed to survive the weekend relatively […]


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27/01/2015
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Nonsense on stilts

General Nonsense

The latest addition to my list of “Things I Think Are A Load of Shite”  is The Bucket List. (And bagels. When in the name of fuck will somebody give me a break and make bagels without the bloody hole? It makes ramming sausages in it very difficult – the natural gentle curve of the […]


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25/05/2015
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General Nonsense

This blog post is sponsored by the tears of a mild hangover and the night sweats. I don’t cope very well with days that don’t allow me time to lie on my bed for an hour or two in the evening plittering with my phone and thinking about stuff.  It’s been a long week. A […]


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28/05/2015
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Crimplene trousers and gingerbread.

General Nonsense

I had two great Eureka moments tonight whilst buttering an oatcake. 1 – Lifehack: See this spoon? The corner of the (empty) fag packet is shown for relative size and isn’t a weird “serving suggestion”. The presence of my foot, intruding into the bottom right of the picture and the empty HRT packet at 1 o’clock […]


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22/05/2016
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Saturday and I hope the window cleaner isn’t judging me by the state of my bedroom.

General Nonsense

It’s been a busy old week. No time for blogging, it seems. Having fought the week-long urge to apply nail polish remover to aforementioned itchy tattoo; I managed to bumble along and survive the week relatively unscathed and  unrumbled as the incompetent buffoon that I am (well it’s more of a galumph in these new shoes really. They really are my most favourite shoes ever in […]


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31/01/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

Hello and welcome new blog readers! I’d be very grateful if you could tell me in the comments how you found out about my blog. It’s for a thing I’m doing. As an incentive I’ll get Mrs Baps to pick a name at random to receive a wee surprise in the post.  It wouldn’t kill […]


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06/08/2016
General Nonsense
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Things that make me make this face :-{

General Nonsense Gratitude Memory lane Mrs Tigerbaps Things that piss me off

What is it with this ridiculousness?   What thought process, on rifling through the detritus of the floordrobe, results in the decision to wear such an abomination? “The weather’s a bit inbetweeny today – I think I’ll don the Gladiator sandaloots” (for surely this must be the word for footwear that combines the leg coverage […]


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26/09/2015
General Nonsense, Gratitude, Memory lane, Mrs Tigerbaps, Things that piss me off
2 Comments

General Nonsense

I’m practicing writing 1500 words. I’ve a load of assessments coming up that require the blurting out of upwards of 1500 words. I’m out of practice y’see. I seem to hit 500 words and dry up. Actually I think I get bored rather than dry up, and think “Och that’ll dae”. That may well be […]


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17/04/2016
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

Oooooo you are awful… Eh hello? Last blog post refers, in which I urged you to remind me to put the bin out. You didn’t. I’m not best pleased. You had one job… I’ve been awake every bloody hour,  in a puddle of menopausal night sweats (and possibly French Martini sweats but you can’t prove […]


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17/05/2015
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Au revoir les lapins 

General Nonsense

I’ve several blog post drafts in various states of draftness but I interrupt this boring piece of news which has done nobody any good whatsoever or enriched anyone’s Friday morning to tell you about my Fitbit stats.  I’m homeward bound today after three days of overzealous Fitbit activity monitoring. It seems I’ve had a total […]


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12/06/2015
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General Nonsense

Quiet day newswise – well in Lindseyland at least. Shame about Terry Pratchett eh? I’ve never read any of his books and as discussed in previous post I’m running out of life to read all the books. That said, I downloaded one this morning which, it is claimed, is set to become a cult classic, […]


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12/03/2015
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General Nonsense

Mortified. Ashamed. Ridiculed. Humiliated. These are all words. Yes they are words alright. Furthermore they are words that describe how I feel after the third – and worst by far – visit to the vet in as many weeks. I’m sure the bloody vet thinks I’m suffering from Munchausens by proxy. (Please laugh at that […]


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15/04/2015
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I’ve been busy. 

General Nonsense

I just typed “apologies for dearth of blogging” and made myself chuckle. I always chuckle when I read “apologies for not blogging for a while” on blogs, as if everyone’s hanging on to sanity by their fingertips, waiting for the next pronouncement, yet here I am apologising for dearth of blogging. Truth is, I’ve been […]


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10/08/2015
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The Great Cankling of 2014

General Nonsense

Tuesday: 5am.  It’s always about this stupid time of day I think “oh I’ll just text [insert name here] about [insert thing here]” then I remember what stupid time it is and stop myself, in case I wake the recipient, and actually if I’m honest even that would give me some dark glee, because if […]


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16/06/2015
General Nonsense
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This blog contains innuendo, therefore NSFW and NSF the dads. 

General Nonsense

I’ll ease you in gently with the boring stuff first…If anybody has any worrying they’d like me to undertake on their behalf tonight I’m available for fretting  between the hours of 3am and 7am. No worry too small. As soon as the alarm goes off of course things will be very different. I’ll be yawning […]


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04/03/2015
General Nonsense
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Tuesday with shoddy grammar. 

General Nonsense

Yesterday was a funny old day. I’m glad it’s over. Maybe now I can get back to what passes as normality in my stupid heid. Despite being all the tired in the world and falling asleep to the opening bars of the Desert Island Discs theme tune I’m still not sleeping properly; waking up at […]


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31/03/2015
General Nonsense
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Bank holiday wankers and the feels. 

General Nonsense

FINALLY! It’s Friday. The beautiful, curly-haired, freckle-faced bastard lovechild of Saturday and Sunday… Ah but let’s not get too carried away. One is working tomorrow and one isn’t seeing one’s loved one until Sunday. And one doesn’t get the bank holiday on Monday which to all intents and purposes is an English bank holiday. One […]


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22/05/2015
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Pardon?

General Nonsense

I seem to be saying pardon a lot these days. Or: “EH?”  Or “Sorry?”


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06/08/2016
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Pasta. 

General Nonsense

Pasta’s a cruel mistress. You’re eating away thinking “god I’m so hungry I could eat this forever. I just can’t seem to get full. I wish this pasta would never end. After this I’ll swing by the Pammy cafe and grab a chip roll and a family bag o’ Skittles”.  Five minutes later you’re lying […]


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07/02/2015
General Nonsense
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End of year roundup. 

General Nonsense

Went aurora hunting. Freezing. No aurora. Stars lovely. Came back. Ate two crackers. Indulged in moderate self loathing. Donned nightie. Fired up Kindle. Got distracted. Fired up Amazon. Got distracted. Fired up Instagram. Got distracted. Fired up Facebook. Got distracted.  Mulled over some new hypochondria for 2016 eg borderline personality disorder.  Harboured neggy thoughts about […]


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31/12/2015
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I hate the rain. 

General Nonsense

I thought I’d document this here. Last night I experienced without doubt the worst four minutes of my life.  Having not checked the forecast I stupidly hung out towels and duvet covers yesterday at 8am before the rains of biblical proportions started. I returned home scowling at 9pm in the driving bloody rain to a […]


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06/10/2015
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That time I was a nun. 

General Nonsense

Obviously it’s sad and everything that Geraldine McEwan’s dead but it does afford me yet another opportunity to mention my acting role along side her in the Magdalene Sisters. (Is alongside one word or two?). I say “acting” role but it was more of an “eating” role as I was made to eat an actual […]


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31/01/2015
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Nowt much on. 

General Nonsense

I’ve nowt much on tonight. Hallebloodylujah. I’ve nowt much on engagement-wise I mean; I’m not partially clad. (Although I do tend to remove tights and pants in a oner and throw them across the bedroom with gay abandon as soon as I cross the threshold of the house ( in the way, not out the way – […]


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07/04/2015
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Shirt-dress Russian roulette.

General Nonsense

Oh! While I’m here I must do my public duty and tell everyone about my phone bill fandango. I never check my phone bill – preferring to bury my head in the sand over such fiscal matters – but earlier this week I phoned EE to upgrade my phone and they pointed out that I’d […]


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18/05/2016
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Bloggy McBlogface. 

General Nonsense

God I’m so over that whole Boaty McBoatface thing.  Well well. We meet again.  This blog is all over the place, time wise. Don’t try to follow it in a linear fashion. Just embrace the chaos.  I confess I was scared to log in to WordPress after all this time. It’s been so long since […]


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25/03/2016
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General Nonsense

Do you ever reflect on a social situation and think “Fuck! I behaved like Homer Simpson in that episode where Marge and Homer hosted a dinner party and he got really drunk and wore a lampshade on his head and ogled Maude Flander’s cleavage”? Well I do. Most of the time. And it’s not always […]


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09/08/2015
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General Nonsense

I’ve had a hebdomas horribilis. Two or three, in actual fact.  I haven’t even managed to blurt out a blog, due to the hurly-burly of work, rest and play.  Having spent a marvellous few days in Paris, I returned home full of hope and joie de vivre, which quickly turned to joie de vomiting bug, unfortunately. […]


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16/06/2015
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Friday’s lessons. 

General Nonsense

Well how stupid do I feel? I bragged; not humbly, about the two things I learned today whilst driving to Stranraer (after I’d calmed down following a meltdown-inducing ‘where-the-fuck-is-the-fucking-car’ incident).  Thing number one – I learned that the location of the petrol cap on a car is indicated by a handy wee symbol on your […]


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06/11/2015
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Amy

General Nonsense

Saw Amy on Friday night. The film about Amy Winehouse, that is. It’s up to you whether you can be arsed reading this, lest there be spoilers, but unless you’ve been on a ten year retreat, meditating cross legged in a cave, you’re not exactly likely to learn anything new by reading this. It’s not […]


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04/07/2015
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Big fat hairy deal, NASA. 

General Nonsense

Top NASA scientist says that they’re on the verge of finding alien life.  Is it just me or is everybody thinking that when they finally have that eureka moment and announce they’ve found evidence of alien life elsewhere in’t universe and it turns out to be just like microbes or plants and not a person-like fully […]


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09/04/2015
General Nonsense
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Long sentence apology

General Nonsense

I apologise for the longest sentence in history in previous post. Clumsy. Should re-read before pressing publish…


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09/02/2015
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General Nonsense

Day 3 of a week’s annual leave. It takes me a few days to get into the swing of not doing much, during which time I tend not to want to see or speak to anybody. I’m a weirdo but it’s the only way I can recharge the ol’ batteries.  Today’s been challenging thus far. 


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18/08/2016
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Three little things…

General Nonsense

In a (probably vain) attempt to adopt a more positive attitude to life and shit, I decided to force myself to do the three things I’m grateful for daily thingummy. Or should that read three things for which I’m grateful, daily?  Whatever the syntax, it’s been proven, possibly by some tryhard boffin who secured a squillion Euro […]


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25/09/2015
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That time we went dahn sarf.

dog walking General Nonsense Memory lane Mrs Tigerbaps

As is my usual M.O, this has been written over several days and weeks and is therefore confusing. It’ll feel a bit like time travel. It’ll feel like you’ve flitted  back and forth through your wardrobe to Narnia half a dozen times. I apologise in advance. Just go with it. I’m not saying it’s worth […]


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22/08/2016
dog walking, General Nonsense, Memory lane, Mrs Tigerbaps
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Wednesday. Well it can shit off. 

General Nonsense

Woke up this morning full of fury-by-proxy so decided to shake it off and approach Wednesday with a positive mental attitude.  I’m ending it with pizza induced heartburn straight from the bowels of HELL and a massive sad about elephants. (See Storyville: Circus Elephant Rampage, BBC Four).  Good things about Wednesday: *tumbleweed* Rubbish things about […]


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22/07/2015
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Sheep’s Head Broth? No thanks. 

General Nonsense

I seized a moment of domestic motivation to tidy some drawers and found a couple of ancient recipe books. Here’s a recipe for ye oldde lettyce and tomattoe saladde, should you be stumped for such a tricksy recipe at any time.    Additionally, if you’ve a sheep’s head lurking in the fridge, which I sincerely doubt, […]


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12/09/2015
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General Nonsense

My latest Facebook status, thus:   has made me take stock of all the time I waste on nonsense and frivolity. 


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18/04/2015
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Mom jeans and Hippety Hoppety Hoo.

General Nonsense

I have feck all to wear. I have stuff to wear at work and I have stuff to wear to bed and that’s it. I have nothing to wear that isn’t for those occasions. I might as well be in prison – at least I’d have a uniform and unbridled downtime. I sometimes childishly wish there […]


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08/06/2015
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Skanky nail polish and Kelpie chat. 

General Nonsense

I started writing this on Saturday morning and the quiet weekend ended up being not very quiet after all. I’m not changing it, so you’ll just have to suspend disbelief and read it. Accept it for what it is, as it were. I’m sure you’ve better things to be doing on a Sunday evening anyway. […]


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24/01/2015
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Friday round-up with pic of mug with Queen Mum thereon. 

General Nonsense

Bad: What’s with this bloody weather?  Bad: Saw a dead badger.  Good: Good eyebrows today. Fierce.  Bad: Walker’s Sweet n Salty Popcorn.  Good: Woke up in great mood. Bad: Didn’t last.  Bad: I’ve a frock to iron for wee Annie’s wedding the morra. The mere thought is bringing on a downer.  Good: Looking forward to […]


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06/03/2015
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Barrel scrapings. 

General Nonsense

Don’t bother reading this. It reeks of desperation and barrel scraping. Not much to report today. Busy day in gainful employment so let’s all thank The Lord Harry for that, as an ex mother-in-law was wont to say, which made my eyeballs swivel all the way to the back of my head in crabbitness.  Had […]


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20/01/2015
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Because it’s there. 

General Nonsense

So I went to see Everest in 3D last night. Because it was there. At the cinema, in case clarification is required: I didn’t schlep to the foothills of the Himalayas after work yesterday, and certainly not with these inappropriately shod feet. The fact that I went to the pictures at all is an achievement […]


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19/09/2015
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Fork ‘andles. 

General Nonsense

I’m in trouble.  Does anybody feel like ordering some Partylite candles? I promised to have a virtual Partylite party for somebody so they got discount or a guaranteed place in heaven or something but as usual the road to hell is paved with good intention and it’s now a month later and, true to form, […]


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30/09/2015
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General Nonsense

Well that’s another birthday been and gone. I’m a triple cancerian I’ll have you know. This is according to my very dear friend Jason Caddy, astrologer to the rich and famous, and to me. Being a triple cancerian makes me feel things very keenly, apparently. 


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23/07/2016
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General Nonsense

I’ve had ALL the hairstyles, me. ALL. I’ve had a Bo Derek, a Farrah Fawcett, a Purdie, a Rachel-off-Friends, a Debbie Harry, and that one time, an experimental Phil Oakey that made me look like I was constantly walking at 45 degrees to the pavement. I don’t know why I tried that; I hate asymmetry. […]


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24/04/2015
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Just wash the bloody cups already. 

General Nonsense

Whilst I appreciate I should be asleep after today’s horrific dental shenanigans which have left me an emotional wreck and a husk of a woman, (I’ve spent most of today in a fug of Nurofen Plus, hallucinating pastry products, dropping pens and forgetting what I was going to say right in the middle of a […]


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06/07/2015
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Warning: here be a graphic image of my plasticine nose

General Nonsense

Preface – I started writing this at 10pm Wednesday, so you might find it harder to follow than that weird film Inception.  *****************  Here I sit, flicking idly through the ASOS website sale pages, searching in vain for a very specific cardigan (oh how I love a cardigan – giver of warmth, hider of boobs, […]


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11/02/2016
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I’m sick of:

General Nonsense

Things I’m sick to the back teeth of: Not winning £300,000 on scratchcards.  That bloody light coming on in the bloody car – YOU DON’T NEED A BLOODY LAMBDA SENSOR. STFU AND LET’S HEAR NO MORE ABOUT IT OR I’LL TRADE YOU IN.  Storm Desmond. In a tradition stretching back to Hurricane Bawbag, I propose […]


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05/12/2015
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Thursday ups and downs and not in a rude way. 

General Nonsense

Up:  my Nespresso order FINALLY arrived.  Down: opened Nespresso order – realised had Inadvertently ordered 100  decaffeinated capsules. Who drinks that? I stood staring forlornly at it like one of the penguins in that sad penguin film where the egg dies and the mummy and daddy penguin have a big long sad and look all […]


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10/02/2015
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Health update because I’ve nothing else meaningful to say LALALALA. 

General Nonsense

Well that was an interesting 48 hours. How to lose half a stone and burn off the lining of your throat so you sound like you’ve smoked sixty fags a day and not just the odd fagatthebackdoor without really trying.  I did somehow summon up the energy to forage for nursery food at the Big […]


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15/06/2015
General Nonsense
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Fallow period. 

General Nonsense

I’ve dried up. I’m going through a fallow period, blogwise. I wish I could say I’m too busy solving world hunger/doing humanitarian work in war torn countries/knitting hats* for premature baby orang-utans to blog but actually I’ve been mostly just playing online Scrabble, smoking the odd fagatthebackdoor and hunched over the laptop for hours on […]


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03/07/2015
General Nonsense
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General Nonsense

I’. As weekends go that last one was a 10/10. Except the end bit, which I shall simply gloss over, as, at time of tippytapping this post on my phone whilst the Supremes trill “STOP! In the name of looooove” (I’m avoiding idle chat by scowling at my phone, earphones in) the weekend end bit, […]


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18/03/2015
General Nonsense
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Things I’ve loved and lost. 

General Nonsense

The universe giveth; and the universe taketh away. I refer, of course, to cocktail glasses. Similarly, amber rings. The universe doesn’t want me to have an amber ring.  I’ve lost count of how many amber rings I’ve bought and lost. I love amber, but I’m not meant to have it. See also purple cardigans from […]


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29/03/2015
General Nonsense
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