Blog

Just get the fuck on with it.

I’ve done it again. I abandoned the blog for months and expect you still to be here when I come slithering back, seeking your approval. I have 44 YES FORTY FOUR draft blog posts on the go, full of funny things and anecdotes and embellished stories that will sadly never see the light of day.…
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There’s aaaa plaaaace for uuuuus…

Forgive me for speaking kinda ill of the dead, but I have lived my fifty odd years thinking Leonard Cohen was Leonard Bernstein.  I can’t explain this. I have literally no awareness of L Cohen’s oeuvre,  except for that Hallelujah dirge that every X Factor contestant in the world has covered, most of which were…
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Half ottoman oooooh. 

I’ve missed the blog. I’ve been kinda busy adulting on another website for the furtherance of my education.  As has been clearly demonstrated throughout my life (I offer no examples – use your imagination or indeed memory) I have zero morals so am more than happy to pimp out my efforts here in an attempt to…
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That time we went dahn sarf.

As is my usual M.O, this has been written over several days and weeks and is therefore confusing. It’ll feel a bit like time travel. It’ll feel like you’ve flitted  back and forth through your wardrobe to Narnia half a dozen times. I apologise in advance. Just go with it. I’m not saying it’s worth…
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Tigerbaps’ Ten T’internet Tips. 

1. Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet – especially if you’re consulting Dr Google. You probably don’t have cholera or consumption.  2. One is not, as far as I’m aware, required by law to like or comment on every single bloody Facebook post or wish every bugger happy birthday. Nor is it a…
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What I did(n’t do) on my holidays. 

I sat down to bash out a blog post but I’ll be buggered if I can remember what I was going to say. I had something hilarious in my mind earlier while talking to Tucker but it’s gone now. I doubt it would’ve been hilarious anyway. Mildly amusing at best probably.  I’m in a bit…
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It’s hot, innit?

I’ve the fan on. It’s so bloody hot! I was asked if I had a bucket list at the weekend.  I couldn’t remember if I did – or if I did have one I’ve forgotten what was on it. The only thing that blurts forth from my mouth when asked about a bucket list is…
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Crimplene trousers and gingerbread.

I had two great Eureka moments tonight whilst buttering an oatcake. 1 – Lifehack: See this spoon? The corner of the (empty) fag packet is shown for relative size and isn’t a weird “serving suggestion”. The presence of my foot, intruding into the bottom right of the picture and the empty HRT packet at 1 o’clock…
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Shirt-dress Russian roulette.

Oh! While I’m here I must do my public duty and tell everyone about my phone bill fandango. I never check my phone bill – preferring to bury my head in the sand over such fiscal matters – but earlier this week I phoned EE to upgrade my phone and they pointed out that I’d…
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Sausages are not the only fruit. 

This blog title popped into my head and paraphrases Jeanette Winterson. It bears no relation to the content of this post other than I casually mention sausages once.  Most of what follows was drafted last weekend, as is customary round these parts.  Well, my parts, to be specific, but please don’t dwell on my parts…
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