Went aurora hunting. Freezing. No aurora. Stars lovely. Came back. Ate two crackers. Indulged in moderate self loathing. Donned nightie. Fired up Kindle. Got distracted. Fired up Amazon. Got distracted. Fired up Instagram. Got distracted. Fired up Facebook. Got distracted.  Mulled over some new hypochondria for 2016 eg borderline personality disorder.  Harboured neggy thoughts about […]

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So Hannah and Ross get married TOMORROW! I can hardly believe it’s here already. It’s a very exciting and happy family occasion and a chance to dress up like a flea hook as my mother used to say – which I’m guessing is a reference to fishing flies but may of course be wrong. She […]

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My top ten predictions for 2016: Compulsory organ donations for anyone sharing “Free £50 Tesco vouchers” on Facebook. They don’t need their brains so we’ll harvest them first, although Christ knows what we’ll do with them.  The beard thing will FINALLY be over. All the dudes with carefully cultivated hipster beards will be forced to […]

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This post isn’t really about comets.  I’m struggling to type this. Not because it’s a difficult subject matter, but because I liberally applied Clarin’s Haute Exigence Nuit Super Restorative Night Cream all over my parched face last night and it’s in my eyes. Everything looks like Doris Day – all dreamy and soft focus.  I […]

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Part Two: That bloody elf thing. Where’s the bloody elf or whatever the shit it’s called. NOBODY BLADDY CARES. Who started this nonsense? Any referral to sparkling wine as “bubbly”.  This effing diet.  Security questions on websites. Fuck! Chummy “live chat” with customer advisers where you go round in bloody circles getting nowhere and get […]

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Things I’m sick to the back teeth of: Not winning £300,000 on scratchcards.  That bloody light coming on in the bloody car – YOU DON’T NEED A BLOODY LAMBDA SENSOR. STFU AND LET’S HEAR NO MORE ABOUT IT OR I’LL TRADE YOU IN.  Storm Desmond. In a tradition stretching back to Hurricane Bawbag, I propose […]

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I’ve a free weekend for the first time since about 1978. I’m quite excited about the prospect of a whole Sunday of nowhere to be and nobody to have to talk to (that’s not an invitation for my phone to ring off the bloody hook thank you).  I’ve no work to be at, no social […]

So awfully tired… This latest awful incident has, as usual, brought out the best and worst of social media. I’ve considered packing it all in (social media; not life – I know I’m a drama queen but even I have limits) several times over the past few days but I’d miss the fun times. I’m […]

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Due to over-commitment of my non-work time, this seems to be the only time of day at the moment I’m able to answer messages, reply to emails, make plans, or think about hard things. So hello, everybody, and if you’re waiting for a reply from me about anything then it might be coming right up.(it […]

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Well how stupid do I feel? I bragged; not humbly, about the two things I learned today whilst driving to Stranraer (after I’d calmed down following a meltdown-inducing ‘where-the-fuck-is-the-fucking-car’ incident).  Thing number one – I learned that the location of the petrol cap on a car is indicated by a handy wee symbol on your […]

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