This post isn’t really about comets.
I’m struggling to type this. Not because it’s a difficult subject matter, but because I liberally applied Clarin’s Haute Exigence Nuit Super Restorative Night Cream all over my parched face last night and it’s in my eyes. Everything looks like Doris Day – all dreamy and soft focus.
I didn’t buy this snake oil – it was a sample given to me by the lovely Deniece from Debenham’s at their recent festive event. I’m trying to restore some youthful plumpness to my face for the forthcoming nuptials of the second-born. The recent crash dieting has left my skin dry and lizardy. It’s in shock at the lack of fat and sugar and is rebelling.
In other news after 54 years on the planet and endless cups of builder’s tea (milk and two sugars for me thanks and leave the tea bag in) I’ve finally cracked it and stopped taking sugar in my tea. Victory is mine! I still don’t own a set of matching mugs though; so I’m not all THAT grown up. I’ve a cupboard full of mismatched mugs either inherited, free promotional mugs or gifted as in the ‘Fuck you you fucking fuck’ from Celena two years ago which makes me lol every time I open the cupboard. I really should be a proper adult and buy some nice matching mugs on a mug tree or something – but that’s not a hint at a Christmas present before anybody reaches for the Argos catalogue.
I can only aspire to the dizzy heights of mug ownership a la Chris Brown’s cupboard of Emma Bridgewater that must be worth the GDP of a small country. I’ve never recovered from the sight of all that matching crockery.
Other things I don’t own are matching towels. Oh yes now and again I’ll alight from the shower and notice that the hand towel in the bathroom matches the towel I’m drying myself with but that’s almost always a fluke and seems to happen in line with the return of Halley’s Comet ie every 76 years. (That reminds me – Rachael Halley Mason if you’re reading this – remember to have a massive celebration in 2061. I’m sorry I won’t be there but I’ll be enjoying the show from a galaxy far, far away where my atoms will probably have settled, although I’ve just done a sum in my head and I could still be around if I behave myself and start eating quinoa and goji berries)
Enough nonsense; I’m off to get my roots done for the wedding. I hope you enjoyed that semi colon. I’m trying to use them more. I used one yesterday in a passive aggressive text to Les after I was disproportionately irked by the lack of communication from her the night before (hey I might have stopped the sugar in my tea and coffee but I’m still a drama queen) and after a couple of hours radio silence while I licked my metaphorical and huffy wounds I got this and it made me lol:
Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to weigh myself before showering. I’m convinced that you’re lighter in the mornings because a) gravity hasn’t kicked in properly after you’ve been horizontal all night and b) you can weigh yourself naked unless like me you remove your pyjamas but hold them in your hand while you’re on the scales and tut at the pound you’ve gained since yesterday and YES THIS HAPPENED.
Ps it turns out the Clarins wasn’t to blame for my cloudy eyes. My glasses just needed cleaned. Ha!