My top ten predictions for 2016:
- Compulsory organ donations for anyone sharing “Free £50 Tesco vouchers” on Facebook. They don’t need their brains so we’ll harvest them first, although Christ knows what we’ll do with them.
- The beard thing will FINALLY be over. All the dudes with carefully cultivated hipster beards will be forced to finally and reluctantly shave them off and be dumped by their girlfriends when their true faces are revealed and there’ll be rich pickings on Tinder if you’ve the appetite for it. They were probably punching above their weight anyway, tbf. The beard may be replaced by the Hitler ‘tache; but for women only.
- My weight will continue to ricochet back and forth, up and down and into and out of all the dimensions.
- I still won’t clear the garage out.
- Capes will make another unwelcome return. Nobody can rock a cape.
- See also ponchos.
- Leggings will no longer be a thing. I’ll need to go naked from the waist down.
- Ski pants with the stirrups will be back in fashion for a month. I once wore the stirrups over my shoes.
- Man buns will be replaced by the manbraid, possibly bejewelled. Don’t shoot the messenger.
- Town criers will make a welcome return and will announce daily horoscopes from the steps of town halls across the land, dressed as Mr Wimpy.
Care to add any predictions of your own via the comments?